Sunday Stress

Every Sunday morning at our house, it is the same scene. 2 parents are frantically running around trying to get children dressed, fed, getting themselves dressed fed and in the car to get to church for which Sunday school starts at 9am. Usually, by the time I get in the car, I am feeling very un-Christian, esp towards my dh who likes on occasion to sleep late. We have been getting there later and later...that this morning I asked out loud "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? WHAT'S the POINT!?!"

Fortunately, God did not strike me down and I am still here. Dh and I talked later and made up (this happens often too) but we really have to figure out what we are doing because we really do enjoy going to our class (great discussions) and hate missing out on half or more of the class most of the time. Our daughters enjoy their classes and the other kids. We like our friends there.

The solution would be for everyone to get up earlier and set an alarm clock. It's not like we party on Saturdays (I was in bed by 10:30 am last night and dh has been sober on Sat nights). Lou lou wakes up by 7:30 each morning and comes to rouse us. I supposed we could ask our church to start later or change churches (difficult as this is the one my inlaws attend and dh has since he was born). I think it that little part in both dh and I that are being rebellious that we have to be somewhere 5 days a week early in the morning OR it just may be that we are not very good at having a 1 year old and a 4 year old ready and in the car in a certain amount of time. I think that latter may be the most true.

Support Group

For the past month I have been regularly attending Al-anon meetings to help me deal with my spouse's problems with alcohol. It was very scary to walk into the 1st meeting, but now I am more calm about it now. I really actually needed to go about 5 years ago but hey, better late than never. I am not sure what I expected exactly...hugging, crying ,etc., but actually it's more humor, uplift, and deep insights. I know 2 of the meetings I actively felt the presence of God with me. Pretty wild, huh. I still don't know much and don't even know all the words of the serenity prayer, but it helps.

multiple thoughts

(format blatantly stolen from QSM blog)

(A)Much less crazy b*tch behavior since removing plastic device from my uterus (that thing had freaking long strings). Sex drive is back. However, sleeping high on cough medication brings about some weird-a*s dreams. Such as that I am paralyzed and the physical therapist working on me is taking advantage of the situation and groping my breasts. Dh says he might have been sleep-groping.

(B)Recovering from bad head cold/ sinus infection, finally started antibiotics today (hate taking them...usually make me nauseated, but so far ok)

(C)Daydreaming about Lou Lou starting kindergarten (PUBLIC SCHOOL!) next year and all that entails. I can't believe my little one is so old now.... 4 1/2!!!

(D)Drifting lazily through Christmas season thanks to internet shopping and the inlaws thanksmas already being over. Still have work party to do next week and somehow find a babysitter.

(E)It has been so cold here, I can't stand it. At least when I go grocery shopping, I don't have to rush home because my trunk is colder than the frig.

(F) Lala has one year old doctor's appt tomorrow to be innoculated and examined. Oh, well, at least this is the last check up for a while in her babyhood. Poor little thing doesn't know what's coming.

What did I do now?!

Got ice cream out to put counter. Went to bathroom. Pulled my IUD out. Oh...what have I done? Went back out to eat ice cream. Now googling for what other people felt like once it was out. Well, I have been a total B87ch the past few months and just achy and moody on and off. I have had trouble with progestin hormones in the past (depo provera made me weird too) so I made the (crazy) decision to remove it.

I was pretty sure I didn't want any more babies (and still feel pretty much the same) but every once in a while get this twinge to have another. I blame it on the baby boy doll someone left on the counter in the kitchen by the formula mix. I do have some birth control pills that I plan to start while I contemplate all this. I didn't ever get pregnant without using Reproductive Technologies so the question is should I just go au natural or is that just crazy?

The Stuffing

Made a batch of my mother in law's family dressing recipe (handed down to her by a sister in law) today to bring to work lunch tomorrow. Seems like we would have a non-Turkey day type of food before T-day but hey, I love Turkey and all the trimmings so no complaints here. Per Alton Bro@n, in Victorian times, stuffing was considered a vulgar word so the term dressing was used. Huh! I am lucky in that I have not had to cook much for Thanksgiving in many years due to the abundance of talented home/ professional chefs on both sides our families.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

That little baby prevention device

I have been thinking and rethinking my IUD for the past year. Blaming infections, moodiness, malaise, weight gain, lack of world peace, etc. on the little thing. I am pretty sure we are not having any more children, but it is still weird to be thinking I need birth control after using ART for conception. One of my good friends actually had hers perforate thru her uterus (mine is still in the right place) and had to get it surgically removed so I am still pondering whether I need the thing or not. My RE approved it because she says it will help slow down the progress of my PCOS disease. I will ponder on...

Dora Echocardiogram

Lou lou has had a heart murmur present at all of her checkups with the doctor so today we went to see the cardiologist to see if there was anything to really worry about. Lou lou was very patient with the whole ordeal and got her EKG done (lots of stickers, mom!) and watched Dora (at a pretty loud volume I might add) while the doctor did the echocardiogram. Poor guy, I was thinking as I sat watching...he has to listen to various Dora, Hannah Montana, Cars, etc. while doing important medical work and counseling worried parents. Everything turned out fine and we are dealing with an "innocent murmur." We don't have to go back and we can resume normal life.

Whatever that is!? LL asked me if she was sick. I told her, no, sometimes we go to the doctor to get checkups to make sure we are ok. Now, I didn't explain to her that it was unusual for a 4 year old to see a cardiologist, but that can wait for later. Strangely enough, one of her best friends had to wear a cardiac monitor for a few days last month to see if she had a heart rhythm problem. Perhaps it is just that both happen to be preemies and have ever worried parents. I actually have been very laid back about her health until this heart check up because she has done very well so far other than being skinnier than most of her peers.

Apologies to readers about my lack of posts lately. I have been spending my internet time learning about the wonders of Facebook and all the fun games. I do really need to blog some as my head has been muddled lately. Lots of changes (minor, but it all adds up) seem to be coming or else my mind is just foggy from all the things I have to keep up with!

Tree of Life

From the Upper Room Ministries, 9/13/9


Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
-Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)


AS I sat in the obstetrician's office, I felt heartbroken. For the second time, my husband and I had lost a baby through miscarriage. Our hope of starting a family was deferred again. Less than a year later, I was overjoyed when God fulfilled my longing and gave us a son.

While reading 1 Samuel 1, I identified with Hannah's desire to have children. Pouring out her heart to the Lord, she prayed for years that God would bless her with a son. She eventually conceived and gave birth to a son, Samuel. "I prayed for this child," she said, "and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord" (1 Sam. 1:27-28).

Hannah's story reminds me that my child is a gift that I should continually surrender to the Lord. It would have been easy for Hannah to keep Samuel to herself after years of hoping for a child. But she offered him back, in thanksgiving and praise, to serve the Lord.

Indeed, all of our fulfilled hopes are gifts from God and reminders that all we have comes from and belongs to the Lord. Our proper response to God is gratitude and surrender.

Kelley Brown (Alabama, USA)

Bloglect

Sorry I have been neglecting my blog lately...just been lazy and not jotting my thoughts down I think. Or else, my brain is getting confused from all the extra sleep I am getting (only 0-1 night waking from baby in the last 2 weeks!!) I had a free hour the other day and I didn't know what to do with myself...I drove around a bit aimlessly and then somehow I ended up at a dance studio and signed up Lou lou for ballet/tap combo. I think I am even more excited that her to start dance class now. I loved, loved, loved it as a child. The black leotards, the wood floors, my pretty teachers, the music, how lovely I felt when practicing or dancing...like a real girly girl, not a funny looking chinese kid with too short hair and a fat nose. They even get to wear lovely tutu like skirts in class now. Hope she enjoys it!

Honeydew is growing so much...just sweet as ever and ambitious. She keeps bonking her poor honeydew head and cries, and then gets up to try to do it again. She pulls up and just cruises around the house. I fell asleep by accident yesterday in LL's room and somehow she and HD managed to stay out of any terrible danger while Mommy snoozed for 1/2 hour.

girls, girls, girls

My, these girls have grown!

Away we go

Off to the airport shortly for a brief vacay in Sin City. Not really my favorite place but it is easy to get to and tonight I will be living a teenage dream of seeing Simon LeBon in person and the rest of the duran duran gang. I haven't located my little button collection from the 80s (I even had a DD folder for my English homework in the 7th grade.) Dh will have the pleasure of seeing Kris Angel perform on Saturday. I am excited! Kids will be at home with family and nanny alternating care...will miss them, but we really need to get away for a bit, even just 48 hours will be good.

Danger danger, tired mom

Still hacking up bits of cloudy phlegm and hoping July will be a healthier month for me. I made it through hosting 2 birthday parties and houseguests and finally my body call it quits on Sunday. I holed up at a friend's QUIET guestroom on Monday to rest, recover and answer text messages from work. OBTW, Julie/ Julia is a great book...

So in my delirious, fever/ chills state, I finally realized...hey, I can't do this any more. I have been having several fleeting and obvious thought intrusions about this. My life is not working very well, I am not sleeping very much (still 2-3 feedings between 10pm and 7am), and I am starting to not like taking care of/ being around my kids/ dh/ cats/ job/ friends/ etc. I even thought about going to therapy, but I didn't have time in my schedule.

So I sucked it up and called my boss and asked for some schedule changes for work. He said he wasn't surprised and told me to just do what I need to do right now. I am also learning how to delegate more at home (thanks Mom for the advice, sorry I was so defensive and snarky when you mentioned it to me). I actually let the babysitter go to pick up Lou Lou while I drifted off to sleep for a bit of a nap with HD.

So, now I have scheduled in some me time, some exercise time, some more time to get what I need to do in my life. I supposed it's hard because of that fact I spent from age 6 to age 35 devoted obsessively to school/ work and a lot of my self worth seems to be wrapped up in that. I really need to get over myself and grow up.

Come Undone

HD blasted into a case of roseola this past weekend, her poor little body burning with fever. My cold morphed into a heinous sinus infection and all were miserable for about 48 hours. Then miraculously, in the middle of one of the funniest/ most true movies, "Mean Girls", we all felt better. It's so yucky when kids are sick and when mom is too. Everything seems so much harder, so hopeless and helpless. More so for me because I am a healthcare professional, licensed to practice medicine!

I was a in bit of a depression yesterday while hacking up phlegm and peeing in my pants at the same time...what have I gotten myself into? What was I thinking, trying to be a grown up and having kids, a demanding job, etc. Then today , feeling better and having read a little bit of a book about the saga of the crazy good band, Guns and Roses, I decided to get over it and resume my life...yes...I have to delagate and let people help me more (I feel like I already have, and don't want to take advantage of anyone.) I got some helpful advice to take a nap everyday...that sounds like the advice I try to give to Lou Lou. That would be great except, I don't like napping in the day because it makes me groggy for the rest of it and I can't sleep at night when I do that.

I think I would just like a little time each day to recharge (1 hour) where NO ONE needs anything from me. That is really what I need to find the time for. This week as I recover from my illness, has been great because grandparents have taken LL to vacation bible school each night and the HD has slept by 7:45....quiet time for mommy and daddy!

My list

Inspired by the Work It blog's to do list by Maria. Here's mine

Wake up coughing junk...still getting over cold
HD crying...roll to side, lift shirt and wait for the nipple clamp...hoping for no teeth
Doze off and wake to dh's alarm clock
Loulou jumps into bed, drinking a sippy cup of milk from unknown time
Get up
Change baby and put her in bathroom with me while I get ready
Wander to kitchen and make a cup of tea
Get dressed and put concealer on dark circles under eyes

Ask Loulou if she wants anything besides popcorn (popped by dh before he left for work) for breakfast
Put baby in exersaucer in kitchen
Make lunches
Eat breakfast
Talk to nanny about HD as she arrives

Find clothes for LL and get just a top on her...no pants
Check email
Finish dressing LL
Cough and pee into my underwear
Change underwear
Leave house with LL and lunches, backpacks, purse, etc.
Drive her to school and drop her off
Arrive at work and meet new student shadowing me

See patients
Call colleague at hospital
Nuke and Eat lunch
Call colleague at the other clinic
See more patients

Go pick up LL at school
stop at grocery store
Buy many extraneous items not on list including pink pool noodle and a bag of brach's candy (LL discovered it...I didn't know those candy things still existed!)
Head home
Unpack groceries
Talk to nanny as she is leaving
Eat snack and open snack items for LL
Watch her eat in succession...2 candies, 1 push up, 1 yogurt, 1/2 glass milk
Talk to mom
Go wipe LL's bottom and comment on her GREEN colored poo (yesterday's blue popsicle?)
Prep for dinner
Help LL with swimsuit and fill kiddie pool outside
Get HD and nurse her as DH comes home and send him outside to the kiddie pool
Fix dinner
Eat
Clean up
Play roll around with HD
Sort toys and clean up playroom a bit
Watch 1 episode of House Hunters
Change HD, nurse her, and put her to bed
Take big giant bath with LL
Read comics to LL and color a bit
Make cup of tea
Log onto blog
Blogging

WHEW!

Escape pod

Rare moment of quiet in the house...HD is napping and Loulou is in her room coloring (I think), and DH is watching TV. We've been all getting on each other's nerves all day. Oh, well, sometimes it's like that. Good thing we have a roomy house. Dh and I are about to take off with some friends (no kids) to a minor league baseball game. I am planning on eating some high calorie baseball park snack. I am not sure which one yet. Auntie is coming to babysit...oh yeah!

Skimmed thru my Pe*ple magazine last night to catch up on the latest on the J*n and Kat* saga. I don't watch the show (watched it once and it stressed me out), but it sounds like fame and fortune and too many kids got to them. Sad...hope they pull through. I was telling my pal at work the other day, I don't watch TV much but I prefer to watch show that have no relation to my life...such as Make me a Sup*ermod*l. Yay Brandon won!

I LUV my DH

I took a night off last night from my family. I crept out to the (air-conditioned) exercise room off our garage and slept there, blissfully, for 6 hours and 30 minutes in a row with only a brief 3-4 minute awakening to realize I was alone in very quiet room. I have not slept continuously that long for the last 3 months (had one night out of town in Feb). Dh kindly did the night time duties for both girls with nary a complaint or loss of spring in his step. I love this man.

Happy where I am at

Dh and I dressed up today and went to a wedding. Not really close friends, but in the social/ professional circle of our family/community. I haven't been to a wedding in a while, but what I felt was not only happiness for the couple (in their late 20s) but also relief that this part of my life was over. I looked around at the younger women prancing around in their finery (short dresses in bright colors with high heels or short black dresses with colorful heels) and was glad I wasn't in that stage of my life...single, self conscious about my looks and wondering when my life would be starting/ settling down/ finding the "right" guy. I sipped my drink, in my long dress (polka dots on chiffon...actually recycled from a few years ago) and comfy-heeled, yet still this season's sandals), with dh by my side, knowing he was going to want to leave early too so we could pick up a few groceries on the way home before returning to the kiddos. Yup...in spite of returning to crying, teething baby and a super-tired cranky 3 year old and the house in shambles (fun times with the baby sitting relative)... this is where I want to be. Happy, content, and grateful....smiling at my 3 year old who was prancing around wearing one of my short colorful dresses (floor-length on her...I deemed too short for me to wear to a wedding).

Spawn of mine

Apparently Lou Lou and I are very similar in that we have to have a big tantrum and then everything after that is peachy keen. She and Honeydew (though a baby really can't help much what she does esp when she is sprouting her 1st tooth) drove me to the brink of insanity on Tuesday. I was being pissed off at dh too and ended up spanking (1 swat on Monday actually too) 1 swat on a small 3.5 year old's behind. I agonized over it and felt horrible. I put myself in timeout. The rest of the week I have been fine. Nothing has bothered me. Lou Lou also went nuts Tuesday and then has been quite a nice kid since then. Someone told me some planet is aligned with something else and we are all going to have trouble communicating this week. Indeed.

Love and an IUD

I have been blaming my mirena IUD lately for my moodiness, weight, etc. I am probably misplacing my blame but perhaps it is just the knowledge that that little piece of plastic eluting hormones in my body is keeping me from getting pregnant. I know that I will not be having more kids, but it still feels weird to be doing something to prevent pregnancy. When people ask me if I will be having more kids, my "NO" comes out so fast everyone comments on it. Maybe it isn't even the fertility thing. Some part of me thinks I need to be "natural" and not have devices/ hormones, etc. in my body. That's extra funny considering I was on birth control pills from age 16 to age 31.

Sex, an enjoyable activity, when we can find a rare moment of kid-free/ aloneness, is now, just for sex. Creating life is no longer part of the agenda. Maybe I am just a weirdo. Maybe I am just feeling amazing fortunate to be blessed with 2 healthy girls that I should just be grateful.

Mom, where are you taking me today?

My restless Loulou asks me this question each day. Lately I have been feeling guilty because 3 days a week (no school, not a weekend), she stays with the babysitter at home (mostly). So this morning we head out for the mother's day luncheon and she does pretty well until we see the decorative candy by the nametags. From that point it was mostly whining for the candy (which was being used for a door prize) and we left early. I was being nice and was going to stop at the convenience store for gas and candy. So, I drive along and 10 minutes later she's asleep. I did stop for gas and was thinking about getting candy when a loud car pulled up playing the latest most obscene gansta rap I've heard in a while. So, now it is time to go. Maybe that's we stay home mostly.

Barf o rama

Hit hard with a terrible case of food poisoning/ stomach virus yesterday and am recovering today. Blech...it was awful. I was so sick I didn't even want to watch TV (!). I actually had to miss a day of work (I cannot remember that last time I took a day off for illness, other than my mat. leave).

Babies are ok so far...and I hope to keep it that way. Honeydew still nursed and somehow in my dehydrated state there was still milk. Well, I'm going to go eat some saltines now.

Telemarketing

Got home and there was an answering machine message from Talbots the ladies clothing store. It was reminding me to shop the sale that was going on. WTF? Their reputation of being a snobby older ladies clothing store is apparently gone...that unless, now I am in the demographic of a snobby older lady. (I must admit I did shop there in the early part of the year armed with 2 gift cards from Christmas and birthday).

Ball of stress

I have been a stressed out mommy lately. Nothing major, but I am having a major flare of eczema of my left boob (had a biopsy there 2 weeks ago...just nipple dermatitis), bouts of irritability (my dh might call it something else!), aches and pains in my neck and head, and this week I had a bad cold/ sinusitis.

Now granted, the honey moon period of going back to work as ended, I am still getting up 1-2 times at night to feed/ awakening at 5-6 am and not really sleeping after that, have had dh out of town and parents here last week...just life stuff. The honeydew has slept thru the night a few times (last night being one of them...yay!).

I know what I need to do to reduce my stress...exercise...but I can't seem to find the right moment to do it yet. From the time I get up on the weekdays, it's like a running race with a few hurdles and few water breaks. Dh really helps out in the evenings, and I have gone walking in the neighborhood a few times. But the unpredictablity of Loulou a 3, almost 4 year old can kink the schedule. Often I am so tired, or just nursing the baby so I don't do anything. The weekends are kind of the same. Waking, cooking, cleaning, feeding, resting, and then back to the same. I even have help, so it's not as bad as it could be. I think I am just in an adjustment period. One of my best stress reducers actually is just hanging out with my dh and shooting the bull. We try, but often we are interrupted by small children crying or asking questions.

We were this morning given a few moments of just time to ourselves at church. Honeydew was asleep in the nursery with grandma and Loulou was sitting with her friends in front of us. Thanks God.

My own economic stimulus

Well, my computer had a blow-out and it just got back from the computer hospital. Thankfully, fixed and files restored. Lesson learned...back-up, back-up, back-up. Wrote the check and am kicking myself for spending so much in the past as I gaze at my dwindling account. Let's hope next month's paycheck is a little better than last's (I get paid according to how much I work/ collect). Then the sprinkler system had an leak, then another, then another, and because we are feeling green and hot, we are adding some trees to our yard. Cha-ching. At least that is helping the environment.

I wandered into the open house across the street the other day and saw the price of the house and realized we could not afford to buy in this neighborhood any more! So we are staying put and actually, I am enjoy my house as we live in it longer. We certainly could use another bedroom (we have 3), but we'll make do as everyone ends up in the same room anyway for baths and some bedtimes. We should have just build a 1 bedroom with a kitchen and 1 giant TV room house. I was watching a show on TV about community/ commune houses. Kind of a interesting option for singles/ retirees/ small families.

Lost my computer privileges

Loulou has reached the developmental milestone of clicking onto the internet and typing either "Peep," "Dora" or "Elmo" into google and spending time making my mouse and keyboard sticky. I have rarely been able to use my own computer in the past few weeks. I know I am not supposed to leave my children unsupervised in a room with internet, but I do so I can get some dishes washed or read People magazine in peace for few moments.

I was explaining to someone the other day that mothering 2 kids and returning to work now felt like running a marathon with a few sprints in between (work). At least I have my dh in the evenings to share in the fun.

Today I spent the afternoon doing one of the things I hate/ love to do in my life. Buy a car. Yuck. I have been putting it off but our nanny has a small truck and I can't have any kid of mine riding in the front seat. So I am going to have her use my car and I get the new one (whoo hoo!). So now I have spent all our money and committed more to the future. So for now, I continue to work and try to build up some savings again and bring dinner leftovers for lunch (not too bad actually...hot meal in the microwave!).

Le Bebe

Honeydew is snoring peacefully in her crib. Her poor boogery nose is either another cold or some allergies...neither would be surprising due to exposure to both big sis's and my recent colds and our strong family history (both sides) of allergies. She is really growing and gaining new skills. We took her out someplace besides church or grandma's house and she really was soaking it all up. It's a big wide world out there, kid. I have been folding up nice clothes that she has quickly, quickly outgrown.

She has made it to 2 Sundays of baby Bible school (known as cradle roll at our church) and is somwhow always hungry (wanting to nurse) during the service. Thankfully the church nursery actually has a quiet, private area in the back with rocking chair and crib nearby (my idea...great to set baby on while adjusting clothes back into place. There was an abundance of cribs in the main room...we 2009 moms don't really put our babies in cribs much. They are mainly used as changing areas).

She is in the cute cuddly baby phase. I am enjoying it so much (other that the nursing every hour from 3 am to 6 am that has happened the last 2 nights). Perhaps it is only because I know that this is it for me. My MIL who loves to hold babies is enamoured with this one who loves to be held.

Foodie

I was recommending a restaurant to my sister who is traveling next week to Kansas City and it made me think about all the great food experiences I have had in my travels. So what better place to record for posterity than in my blog?! I have traveled to many cities and can't even remember all the names of the restaurants, but here are some of the most memorable.

In no particular order:

1. Savoy Grill, Kansas City, MO

Get the broiled seafood casserole. This place is old school and there are REAL waiters.

2. Mona Lisa, San Francisco, CA

After getting lost in the city and being cold, tired and hungry, stumbling into Little Italy was like walking thru the gates of heaven. This restaurant provided my 1st food orgasm with its fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato appetizer.

3. Chinatown, Los Angeles, CA

I don't remember the name of the restaurant, but in 1984, I had my 1st soup dumpling and was completely fascinated.

4. Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, CA

On my honeymoon, we went to one of the hole in the walls and ate crab. I think it was called Nick's. At least we went to the place with booths instead of just eating off one of the stalls.

5. Brennan's, New Orleans, LA

I ate Thanksgiving here once at the Houston TX location, but the memorable meal was brunch. Eggs benedict and a flaming dessert (bananas foster)...dude!

6. Acme Oyster House, New Orleans, LA

Sit at the bar and eat the red beans and rice after you slurp a few raw oysters.

7. Private home, Staten Island, NY

I tagged along to a birthday party of a friend of a friend and his Armenian family cooked a great feast for us.

8. Kitok burger, Waco, TX

Korean women frying burgers laced with soy sauce...yum.

9. A&W, Napa, CA

After many, many fancy meals at fancy restaurants, I enjoyed a hot dog, crispy fries, and an icy cold mug of root beer. Packed at lunch.

10. Old House, Santa Fe, NM

Everything is good here. Expensive, but excellent.

11. Padilla's, Albuquerque, NM

I inhaled the sopapilla basket. It's not fancy, but the place has great service.

12. Hyatt DFW airport, Dallas, TX

As a child we went here for the brunch on special occasions (ice sculptures! omelet station!). I went back as an adult for a business trip and they still can cook. The fish dishes are wonderfully amazing.

13. Bouchon, Venezia Hotel (inside the Venetian), Las Vegas, NV

Hard to find, but I ate a sublime breakfast here. Hash and a caramel coffee drink. Apparently it's one of Thomas Keller's outposts. I went back last year, but it wasn't as delicious as I remembered, but the restaurant is beautiful.

14. Sushi, Seattle, WA

Can't remember the name of the restaurant, but it was across the street from the art museum (saw live nude painted people one day as I was waiting for the bus back to the hotel). Bento box #11 - I can't eat Japanese food anywhere else now that I have had their food.

Milk fountain

Broke down today and ordered a new pump kit for my Medela PIS machine. I haven't been pumping at work and my milk supply has kind of gone nuts. I thought I was supposed to make LESS once I went back to work. When I was on leave, I did not nurse the baby during my "work" hours and I was fine. Now I am just a spraying/ leaking milk machine...cripes. I am finding myself rushing home to unleash my rock hard boobs onto poor Honeydew who is probably already full from the bottles the nanny gives her. I am wondering even if I have time to pump...I'll have to make time.

Discontinued

Well, I look at Wee One and realize she isn't so "wee" any more and am giving her a new blog name. I hearby declare the name "Wee One" discontinued and christen her "Loulou."

The real reason for today's title is so I can rant about the discontinuation of just about any or all products/ menu items I tend to like. Currently I am using Glysomed hand cream (DISCONTINUED!!! ONLY AVAILABLE IN CANADA!!!) and recently discovered a new lotion, Dove Pro Age cream oil, that has been able to help my dry cracked heels (a problem for me since college days...I've tried everything) and it has been discontinued also. My dh was using a wonderful hair product, Dep men's hair pomade, and that was also discontinued. (I used to call it his "Dapper Dan" stuff after the fictional product that George Clooney used in Oh Brother Where Art Thou. Oh well, I supposed my mother is still lamenting the disappearance of Rose Milk lotion.

Treading water

Well, I have made it almost to the end of the week. The 1st day back at work was like jumping into the deep end of the pool. It was nice as everyone was saying how glad they were I was back. I am tired, but it is a good tired. As a child/ teen I wanted to be needed, to be useful to others. Boy howdy, I got my wish as a adult.

Dh is struggling with some eating problems and he is going to get an upper endoscopy next week to explore is esophagus and stomach. The doctor is suspicious for eosinophilic esophagitis, a condition that is caused by food allergies. He has lost some weight and I am worried. It is hard because I feel like I could be hurting him by serving him dinner and my way of showing love has been often through my cooking.

Getaway

Just returned from a quick trip to Albuquerque and enjoyed myself very much. Dh and I went to celebrate our 6th (!) anniversary. My favorite parts included lunch at Padilla's (I almost ate the whole basket of sopapillas) and a trip to the Tamaya spa where we enjoyed massage and other treatments...my dh the sci-fi guy said it felt like we were being prepared to be fed to space aliens. I have heard how the hot tub parts of some spas can be clothing optional...so it was a bit disconcerting at 1st, but I made sure no one was looking my way and slid into the hot tub like a fish. At least it was not co-ed and just ladies. Such fun!

Tomorrow I begin a new routine, part 3 of "Project Baby #2." I resume working outside the home and my "normal" life...whatever that is! I am anxious, of course, but know that this is what I going to do right now until I figure out the next part. As the writer, Anne Lamott writes, I am proceeding until my next "operating instructions."

I Hate February

I have always dreaded February because I or one of my family members is always sick. Add to that my work in a medical clinic, and there you have a full blown month of misery. This year, unfortunately, Honeydew got it...this weekend has been one of diarrhea, snuffy nose, fever, coughing, and spitting up. Last night was bad and today she has been improving. At one point I had spit up dripping onto my foot and pooling in my crotch area. I have not worried about her much since she was born until now. Hopefully she will sleep well tonight and heal up fast. For now, she is fever free, dozing off, and in clean clothes (6th change of clothing in the last 24 hours).

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope everyone got some love today...I'm going to send out some love for everyone today...smack!

Dh and I got super romantic and gave each other chocolate (for him) and flowers (for her) and drove 20 miles to eat some cajun fast food fried chicken (we had the restaurant all to ourselves by 6:30) and browse at the bookstore for our date. It was great!

Honeydew

Art imitating life

Noticed today's art of the day (scroll down) is Picasso's depiction of a lady nursing her baby. Just looking at it makes the let down reflex occur in me...

Oooommmm

Battling stomach bug that I caught earlier this week...much better, but I am still very tired. Icky stuff. It's really bad when it feels like your peeing from the wrong place (I know...TMI). It seems as I get older illnesses that were minor in the past are more severe and more difficult to bear. I was gathering a few supplies at the grocery store today and my feet actually felt achy.

The Wee One and Honeydew are hanging in there...just some mild colds and boogers coming out of noses. So I hope to recover fully after this weekend, in between the demands of a 3.5 year old girl and the 3 am feedings required by the infant stomach of Honeydew.

Actually the demands of Wee One have been so great lately, I noted I haven't posted or managed to string words to post here in a while. The nanny has her out for the past hour for a trip to the local mall (handily down the street). So the peace in the house has a meditative quality for me...zzz's for Honeydew and me a bit earlier.

On another subject, as we are fortunate to live in a very nice house in a place where the economy hasn't crash yet, I was perusing the realty ads today. There are definately more houses on the market now that there were just a few weeks ago. With the price of oil dropping, I can see that it is finally beginning to affect this community. I have occasionally daydreamed about getting a different house with a space for seperate guest room, a bedroom for Honeydew, and a playroom (they are all one now), but it would be really insane to do this now. We'd probably get a good deal, but our house could be on the market for much longer than we could afford. We could always put a trailer out back for the kids...ha,ha,ha.

Ruminations

I am starting to ruminate about the time when I return to work again (in 5 short weeks). I think I should be able to handle it, but I will miss the nice free time I have now. Honeydew is doing good especially since she and I have been co-sleeping and nursing. It is so nice to be horizontal for at least 7-8 hours at night. Wee one is adjusting back to her new/old school and after spending some time with her classmates and parents at a birthday party yesterday, I know we made a good choice again. 2 kids...double the fun! I cannot imagine yet what it will be like when I have to figure out 2 kids activities/ schedules and how to get them there. In time, in time, I tell myself...don't get ahead of the game. Everything always seems to work itself out in some way.

My Review of Supernanny Diaper Bag with Changing Pad

Originally submitted at Kipling

Supernanny Diaper Bag with Changing Pad

Supernanny Diaper Bag with Changing Pad

This bag rocks!

By Toffee from West Texas on 1/23/2009

 

5out of 5

Pros: Durable, High Quality

Best Uses: Everyday, Travel

I had admired a friend's purple monkey purse a while back and while I was searching for a diaper bag to use with my newest baby, I found this bag. It is very light weight and very easy to carry even loaded down with all the baby stuff. The fold out pad works great and the interior is very roomy. I would recommend adding one or two outside pockets to easily stow a bottle/ sippy cup or wipes. It is pricier than some other diaper bags, but the quality is great and it really is a bag that you will use all the time. Probably the only one I will need for the duration of diaper bag usage. It does look cool and I think my husband could carry it without feeling girly.

(legalese)

Vacunas

Shots for Honeydew today. I sat with her nestled in my supercool sling in a sea of strollers and car seats in the waiting room of the doctor's office. The mom next to me was telling her also 2 month old daughter, "now would that be more comfy to be in a sling?" Apparently too wiggly to tolerate one per mom. I told her my 1st kid didn't like it at all. She did have a cool stroller.

Now Honeydew has 5 holes in her thighs, the aftertaste of the rotavirus stuff and tylenol in her mouth. Thankfully she is at the moment peaceful, tummy full of mommy milk and sleeping. Wee one has also miraculously decided to take a nap so the house is amazingly still.

Ahhh....I am going to make a cup to tea now.

Babykins

OK, when MSB is in my arms and her eyes are closed, she is so sweet and warm...and she looks just like DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW from the Muppets!



http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Dr._Bunsen_Honeydew

Poor thing...that her own mother thinks she looks like a pale green muppet. Dh says at least I don't think she looks like his trusty assistant, Beaker. I am such a science nerd. The muppet show was awesome.

Fashionable again in a tight ecomony

The joy of finding a new wardrobe in the post partum period is often tempered by new body shape issues, leaky breasts, and currently a respect for the state of the economy in the this country. I was really looking forward to shopping for and wearing normal clothes again even though I really had a great pregnancy wardrobe this time. Body shape issues - I have been wearing out my stretchy pants and warm up suits. I have not tried on jeans or any kind of tailored pants because I know it will be a nightmare. Leaky breasts - patterns and things with vests/ jackets and the big box of breast pads my pal gave me. Economy - I have been rediscovering my closet and mixing up things that I never thought about. I have picked up a few things on the clearance rack at T$rget and JC P&nney.

My maternity clothes are all given away (I was just sick of looking at them and having them take up space in my closet). I did splurge on some cool ankle boots, bought online while I was pregnant and a cute pair of flats from Walma^t that were only $12. I did drop some dough on some nursing tops that I actually have not worn yet...for some weird reason I got sleeveless ones....what was I thinking? It's January!!! I also spent some cash on bras...comfy, comfy, organic cotton that are so awesome for nursing, etc. I hate wearing bras so these have been wonderful. Of course, I had to get the new mom's accessory --- the diaper bag and I found the perfect one for me after getting one that wasn't.The new one is by Kipling and is in my favorite color, purple. It is nylon based so it is amazingly light weight. The front folds out into a diaper changing pad/ station. It reminds me of those purses they used to sell on TV when I was a kid..the front flap folded out and held all your money, credit cards, etc...back then I thought that in beige nylon was so awesome. It's funny I got a real diaper bag as with the 1st baby I received 2 fancy ones (too heavy, too small respectively) and ended up using an old nylon tote from Le Sportsac I got at a garage sale for $3. So that's the latest on post partum fashion in my world.

The Perfect Mother

The mother creates the nutritious meal for her darling daughter:

a brightly colored plate with halved grapes, organic chicken cut into small pieces, steamed green beans, buttered noodles, and a cup of organic apple juice

What actually happens:

a few sips of juice are take and then the child goes to raid the pantry and eats 5 chocolate covered pretzels, a half pack of old gummy fruit snacks that were opened and left out, and a few sips of daddy's coke he left on the counter from last night.

"Paul doesn't realize that it is easier to be the perfect mother with children who are not your own. The children you have temporarily do not push your buttons in the way your own children do. That when children aren't actually yours, you are not exhausted or stressed or distracted when you are with them."


From "Second Chance" by Jane Green

Return to normal

The last few days have been really relaxing. I suspect it has to do with the new year and the turmultous (sp?) end of 2008. The high risk pregnancy, dh's diverticulitis, the birth, the holidays, etc...we survived and are blessed indeed. I have come to terms (and dh has too) as to how much I can handle without turning into crank b*tc* woman. Wee one has chilled a bit and I have to remember to really give her my full attention whenever I can. It is not so much that my attention is on MSB (who gets ignored regularly), but that I want to do other things like cook supper and reply to an email from a friend or try to get a wiggly baby latched on without someone shreiking in my ear to do something else. sigh.

But overall I have a better attitude about everything and am trying to go with the flow. My dh is very laid back and has been very helpful...basically when he comes home from work, wee one monopolizes his time until she passes out (sometime before 10 pm). We have given up begging for a nap in the afternoon and that has decreased the stress in the house considerably. My dear sis and her dh came for a visit this past weekend too and she has always been a calming influence on me. She always has helped me put things into perspective...she is 5 years younger, but has always been a very wise person. We cooked and make some really yummy things...she says I am her muse. The chocolate lava cake we made was really, really wonderful...it gave me some of my "mojo" back!