Happy where I am at

Dh and I dressed up today and went to a wedding. Not really close friends, but in the social/ professional circle of our family/community. I haven't been to a wedding in a while, but what I felt was not only happiness for the couple (in their late 20s) but also relief that this part of my life was over. I looked around at the younger women prancing around in their finery (short dresses in bright colors with high heels or short black dresses with colorful heels) and was glad I wasn't in that stage of my life...single, self conscious about my looks and wondering when my life would be starting/ settling down/ finding the "right" guy. I sipped my drink, in my long dress (polka dots on chiffon...actually recycled from a few years ago) and comfy-heeled, yet still this season's sandals), with dh by my side, knowing he was going to want to leave early too so we could pick up a few groceries on the way home before returning to the kiddos. Yup...in spite of returning to crying, teething baby and a super-tired cranky 3 year old and the house in shambles (fun times with the baby sitting relative)... this is where I want to be. Happy, content, and grateful....smiling at my 3 year old who was prancing around wearing one of my short colorful dresses (floor-length on her...I deemed too short for me to wear to a wedding).

Spawn of mine

Apparently Lou Lou and I are very similar in that we have to have a big tantrum and then everything after that is peachy keen. She and Honeydew (though a baby really can't help much what she does esp when she is sprouting her 1st tooth) drove me to the brink of insanity on Tuesday. I was being pissed off at dh too and ended up spanking (1 swat on Monday actually too) 1 swat on a small 3.5 year old's behind. I agonized over it and felt horrible. I put myself in timeout. The rest of the week I have been fine. Nothing has bothered me. Lou Lou also went nuts Tuesday and then has been quite a nice kid since then. Someone told me some planet is aligned with something else and we are all going to have trouble communicating this week. Indeed.

Love and an IUD

I have been blaming my mirena IUD lately for my moodiness, weight, etc. I am probably misplacing my blame but perhaps it is just the knowledge that that little piece of plastic eluting hormones in my body is keeping me from getting pregnant. I know that I will not be having more kids, but it still feels weird to be doing something to prevent pregnancy. When people ask me if I will be having more kids, my "NO" comes out so fast everyone comments on it. Maybe it isn't even the fertility thing. Some part of me thinks I need to be "natural" and not have devices/ hormones, etc. in my body. That's extra funny considering I was on birth control pills from age 16 to age 31.

Sex, an enjoyable activity, when we can find a rare moment of kid-free/ aloneness, is now, just for sex. Creating life is no longer part of the agenda. Maybe I am just a weirdo. Maybe I am just feeling amazing fortunate to be blessed with 2 healthy girls that I should just be grateful.

Mom, where are you taking me today?

My restless Loulou asks me this question each day. Lately I have been feeling guilty because 3 days a week (no school, not a weekend), she stays with the babysitter at home (mostly). So this morning we head out for the mother's day luncheon and she does pretty well until we see the decorative candy by the nametags. From that point it was mostly whining for the candy (which was being used for a door prize) and we left early. I was being nice and was going to stop at the convenience store for gas and candy. So, I drive along and 10 minutes later she's asleep. I did stop for gas and was thinking about getting candy when a loud car pulled up playing the latest most obscene gansta rap I've heard in a while. So, now it is time to go. Maybe that's we stay home mostly.

Barf o rama

Hit hard with a terrible case of food poisoning/ stomach virus yesterday and am recovering today. Blech...it was awful. I was so sick I didn't even want to watch TV (!). I actually had to miss a day of work (I cannot remember that last time I took a day off for illness, other than my mat. leave).

Babies are ok so far...and I hope to keep it that way. Honeydew still nursed and somehow in my dehydrated state there was still milk. Well, I'm going to go eat some saltines now.