My Xmas Cupcakes

Wee One put the liners in the pan, cracked the eggs, scooped some batter in the pan, and after baking and frosting (Mommy) stuck the Santas on. YUM!

Mommy has a tantrum

3:30pm - Mommy gets home after a day of work and fighting crowds at the supermarket. Wee One runs and smiles, hugging her mom hard.

3:45pm - Nanny leaves, explaining something in more complicated Spanish that perhaps wee one missed her nap.

4pm - Tantrum ensues over mommy not understanding that "Splain" means "GET ME A SPOON"

5pm - Screams at computer because when she hits the keys the slide show of her pictures stop. Jumps on box of crayons and breaks most of them in half.

6pm - Mommy gets dinner on the table. Daddy is eating hungrily. WO takes 2 bites (yay!) of delicious twice baked potatoes then wants to spend the rest of the time getting water from the dispensed on the front of the refrigerator.

7pm - Tantrum ensues over unknown anger at father. Continues as mommy picks out the non-ducky pajamas to change into after bath

7:35pm - taking a bath with mommy. splashing happily.

7:55pm - Tantrum ensues over draining water from tub and bathtime ending.

8pm-820 - Watching curious george quietly with mommy by her side.

830 - story time - says no to every book we bring out. Walks over to bookshelf and picks out large books with a thousand flaps on each page. Whines and cries as mommy attempts to read books/ choose different ones. Mommy picks child up and puts her in bed. Mommy has to leave room, take 2 tylenol, and hide in TV room to watch Project Runway to keep from screaming at her beloved child. Father takes over and child behaves.

Blocks

I think I have been having writers block lately. I am enjoying reading other people's blogs but I don't have much to say back. I think I've had so much going on that I needed more time to process everything.
My mother has been ill for the past month and is just now getting over it. I did go fly to go see her and I felt better and worse afterwards. It has been hard for me to feel like I am giving her help. She kept telling me not to come and to stay home and take care of my own child. But after my visit, she did admit that she was glad I came to see her.

I had an onslaught of inlaws after that for Thanksgiving and we did so much...eat, gifts, travel! I am shifting into lower gears now, trying to enjoy the season for what it is. Although we did start a new singing program at church for the kids too. I like to think, however, that singing and motions are therapeutic!

I have been asked often lately about another child. Not a new question, but my awareness of it is heightened. I honestly at this moment in time do not know. There has been some crazy stuff this past year that has aged and made me tired. I admit that I would love to have another child, but not right now. Maybe even not in the future (that was really scary to write). I am not willing to go through IVF again at this time. I am not sure I ever want to deal with diapers again after we make it through potty training wee one.
Perhaps I am just tired. I have even entertained the idea of adoption later in my life of older kids. That seems more appealing somehow that attempting to have another one myself. I am going to pray about this some more. Maybe I am just admitting defeat. That there is never going to be a "natural" conception for me.

Part of me thinks that I have it so good right now, it would be crazy to ask for more/ disturb the balance. I have so many things in my life right now that are great blessings, much more that I ever expected.

I hate colds

Survived Christgiving/ Thanksmas with countless delicious meals, traveling, and close quarters with the family. Now I have a honking head cold that is making me nuts. Can I please have a vacation from my holiday? I just stuffed a kleenex up my left nostril to absorb all the snot and didn't care one bit how I looked when my dh came to ask me where the cookies are.

The tyranny of the urgent

I often have a problem with getting caught up the the anxiety of the events of the day and rushing through stuff. Of course, the last 2 years the excuse has been that I need to get home to the baby/ do my errands before I get home to the baby. Physically it affects me in the form of sore neck muscles, general bit*hiness and fatigue when I let get all caught up in it. It is so hard for me to consciously slow down and breath sometimes. The only time when it lets up some is when I make some major change like, job, house, surgery, etc. But then there are new things to stress about then! My dh is very much the opposite most of the time although I think I rub off on him occasionally. He can live in the moment and not think much about what is next.

Carseats

I would like some feedback on the car seats anyone is using for a 2 year old toddler. We have Britax Roundabout and a Evenflo one (back up) and it is time to move on. So far, I have been directed to the Eddie Bauer 3 in 1.

A Wonderful Gift

Yesterday, I received a wonderful gift. I got a phone call from one of my best childhood friends whom I had not seen or heard from in over 18 years. We talked for a while and caught up on each others lives a bit. I have been feeling happy ever since. My friend and I had some very similar experiences while we were on our separate journeys and I feel her presence in my life, however short or long it may be, is a great gift. I often have a bit distorted memories as we all do of our "idyllic childhoods," but actually there were some parts that were painful and this friend, I believed went through a lot of things that I knew hurt her. As I was young and immature, all I could do was see the injustices, but not really do much. But I was able to express to her now that I felt for her and hoped our daughters wouldn't have to endure many mean girls. And she was grateful for that because, she believed, she was alone in those battles. Oh, how I wish I could have been able to tell her that long ago.

Dinosaur

For the Halloween cakewalk at church, I brought some cupcakes I made with the help of wee one. (Betty Crocker, but hey, still from my kitchen) As I set down my chinet plate of chocolate delights with their messy frosting, but quite delicious, I noted that most of the rest were beautiful store bought creations of halloween perfection. Spiders! Jack o lanterns! Cupcakes with fluffy buttercream frosting in fall colors! Poor kid who will win my plate would be bummed out totally.

Now, I did think about running to the store for mine too, but we bake just about everyday due to wee one's love for making "eggies." I feel like a dinosaur and I am sure on the flip side, if I had bought one, I would notice all the homemade stuff. I never seem to get it quite right, but they still seem to like me! Then tonight, I saw the little girl who won my plate happily running around with them, chocolate frosting around her smiling lips.

Musical love

KOG readers, here's my treat for you today. Go to www.annielennox.com and hopefully you will get to listen to her song "Dark Road." It is also on iTunes. This song just spoke to me. Beautiful, beautiful song...sung by one of my favorite vocalists who looks cool even now 20 years after I 1st saw her in a music video.

My Wee One

I got back to my home airport today and came down the escalator to the baggage claim. At the bottom I saw dh and then wee one holding his hand. Then, she let go and started running towards me, yelling, "Mommy!" I got to her and I started getting tears in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her. I couldn't even move for a few moments. I regained my composure and told me dh I missed him too. I thought, "How could I have left her, even for a moment?" Tonight I got a welcome home I took my diaper off instead of going to sleep and then I had a poo in my crib but I picked it up to try to throw it out but kept yelling "Stinky Mommy!" Stinky indeed.

Leaving on a jet plane

Well, tomorrow I jet off to a medical conference for 4 days 3 nights and leave everyone behind for a few days. I have been putting off going away for anything since I was about 4 months pregnant. I never felt quite ready to do this until now. My mom is here to help dh and I am going all expenses paid to stay in a large hotel with room service, a spa, and a shuttle to a ginormous outlet mall. So I know I will miss wee one and that she will miss me, but I think this will be good for me in many ways.

Poop in the pot

Well, we were in church and wee one tugged on my arm and said "potty." We made our way to the bathroom and were distracted by the need to climb stairs into the balcony. She came back down and I hear "Uhhgh" and saw her squat a little. Oh crap, I though, thinking this was ok to think in church since that was actually the subject matter and not a swear. No diaper bag, I headed into the women's restroom with her and found an empty diaper wipe box and a bag of newborn size diapers on the changing table. I sighed and we went into a stall. I pulled down the diaper and lo and behold, no poo there but some was beginning to make its way out of her bottom. I put her on the seat and let her do the rest. Wha la! We have contact! Poop in the pot! I congratulated her, wiped her tush, and pulled her pull up (clean) back on. I said a prayer of thanks. Later in the day, we didn't make it for part 2. Oh well. It's a start.

Potty time

Wee one has hoisted herself up onto the kid toilet seat on the toilet seat and has shooed me away so I don't watch. There is a pull up around her legs and she is happy. There has been no actual deposit of wastes into the toilet as of yet, but I am glad to let her practice/ go through the motions. I know we won't even be there until she is three. She is having fun though.

Quick, easy weight loss

Well, I am recovering from the other end of the vomit virus that hit my family earlier in the week. 24 hours of fevers, chills, and an amazing amount of quick, easy weight loss from the most horrible virus that has ever attacked my colon. My appetite is coming back in fits and spurts. Thankfully all others in the house are healthy again.

The Wee One is growing amazingly. She can name all the animals in her picture books. She can run the new DVD player we got (old one wore out after an almost continuous 72 hours playing of the Max and Ruby DVD). She can doff and don her clothes/ diaper at her own will...(needs help with shirts). She knows where all my shoes are "Mommys shoes" and where I hide the Dora snacks.

Ah, my little bottomless, animal - lover snack hungry child...

Vomit Virus

The vomit virus paid a visit to our little family and is finally left as of last night. Totally stressful to watch poor wee one just lie around and throw up. Milk has been off limit, much to her dismay. My dh is finally able to eat solid food again. I was spared so far, but I am tired of cleaning up vomit. I think this is the longest Wee one has ever been sick...poor thing. I was so happy that she finally ate a cookie last night and held it down.

We LOVE shoes

Well, its that really, really fun time again. Wee One's feet have grown bigger and it is time to get new shoes!!! There is such a price range for toddler shoes (also adults). I love shoes. Wee One loves shoes. Cute, stylish, comfy shoes. I found a pair on clearance at the local dept store...$10.99 for white mary jane Stride Rites! Then I remembered the pair I have kept in the closet that I got on the clearance section of The Children's Place $7!. Fits her well! I went to the website today and got a few more pairs...too cute and each under $12 a piece...I couldn't help myself. New shoes are just about the only thing that can tear her away from her Max and Ruby DVD.

I can be a bigger, more persistent PITA

I know I shouldn't raise my blood pressure late in the day, but I logged onto my credit card website to pay bills this month and there was a late fee!!! I always, always pay my bills on time. I never got a statement this month. Nada. I called the company to see why they didn't send a statement and they said they did. I also had a email alert system set up which also did not send me a message. Anyhow, after being on hold 4 different times and different "supervisors" the fee was dropped ($40!) and I still didn't get to talk to anyone or get an explanation of why I didn't get a statement or email from them. Interestingly, I never came out and said "I want you to waive my late fee." I only said that I wanted to know why they didn't send me a statement or an email to let me know that the payment was due. The website has personalized alerts and my info is all in there, but interestingly, when I hit the "show history of alerts" button, it says "No alerts for the last 30 days." So obviously something is wrong with their website, but I can't seem to talk to anyone about it. I was looking for a place to send an email and didn't find one. So much for being a national bank/ cc company. Must have this kind of call more often than not.

Anyway, I was correct and also trying to help them, but they didn't really have anyone working there that was listening to me. Sad.

Lazy calmness

I have been floating through these last 2 weeks feeling lazy and calm. I feel like something should be happening. When actually, nothing much should be happening right now after what I have been through this summer. I have even been having fantasies of getting pregnant but then I swing to the other extreme of thinking I'll be quite happy with one, esp after a really heavy AF came last weekend.

One of my friends reminded me today, hey you went though major surgery 2 months ago and even though your scar is healed on the outside, you are still healing on the inside. She told me not to forget to take care of myself. I am taking baby steps towards that still. My new resolutions:

1. No ironing. I hate ironing. I love ironed things. My dh has made the decision to take our wrinkly things to the ironing store.
2. I will use the microwave more to make simpler meals. Takeout food is another realistic option that I will exercise without cringing at the expense and sodium content.
3. I will delegate, delegate, and delegate as much as I can at work and in my extracurricular activities.

I guess this is what I was wondering about concerning any life changing events that my tumor experience has brought me.

More tricks to portray myself as the perfect housewife

I was tuning in to my current favorite show, "Top Chef" last week and they had to create a frozen entree. They got a bag of Bertoli pasta meal to examine before they started. Of course, the gullible consumer I am, did what the producers and sponsors wanted me to do. As I was cruising the aisles of Wally world yesterday, There on the end cap was a big selection of the pasta entrees. Well, at $5.97 I thought, hey why not, I'll try it. It was simpler than I thought. You open the bag, dump it into a big non stick skillet, put a lid on it, stir it half way through, and in 10 minutes you are serving and eating. There was plenty to serve me, dh and wee one with leftovers. Very tasty and high quality too. I would have liked more chicken, but for the price, it was really reasonable. I have had thoughts about making this kind of thing but after watching the Top Chef episode, where professional chefs were only able to make one successful dish out of 4.

This and that

Bad PMS the last 2 days. Eating constantly, bloating, weight up on the scale, sore boobies. Also, my right shoulder and neck muscles get sore when I have PMS. No Uber - Bi--h moments yet, but I have already warned my dh. Haven't had it like this in a while. So I was munching through 2 cereal bowls worth of cheddar Sunchips (Hey, I like to delude myself that they are healthy...whole grains!) and watching reruns of Sex and the City just now. It is not as good as I remembered. Perhaps as it is edited for language and nudity, it is just not the same show. "F--k buddy is NOT the same as "Sex Buddy." Perhaps it is just a different time in my life and I can't relate anymore. My concerns involve weaning bedtime sippy cups with milk from a 2 year old rather than finding the perfect shoes for a night out on the town. (I have those already...more than one pair even!)