This and that

Bad PMS the last 2 days. Eating constantly, bloating, weight up on the scale, sore boobies. Also, my right shoulder and neck muscles get sore when I have PMS. No Uber - Bi--h moments yet, but I have already warned my dh. Haven't had it like this in a while. So I was munching through 2 cereal bowls worth of cheddar Sunchips (Hey, I like to delude myself that they are healthy...whole grains!) and watching reruns of Sex and the City just now. It is not as good as I remembered. Perhaps as it is edited for language and nudity, it is just not the same show. "F--k buddy is NOT the same as "Sex Buddy." Perhaps it is just a different time in my life and I can't relate anymore. My concerns involve weaning bedtime sippy cups with milk from a 2 year old rather than finding the perfect shoes for a night out on the town. (I have those already...more than one pair even!)

Lazy days of summer

Well, the wee one has calmed down a bit, no more crazy tricks. Just a few loud protestations here and there. I switched the carseat back to the old "baby" one and she seems to be more content in there. I know the tantrums can come and go in the different times in a child's life, so I am going to try to go with the flow. Her 19 months old cousin is here visiting and wee one seems a bit scare of her. She is louder and more physically advanced (can jump into a swimming pool and bob around in her floatie unassisted). She is the 3rd child with 2 older brothers (7&9) so she has to grow up fast to keep up, unlike my one and only. It is nice to have extended family contact and kids around as I never saw my cousins/ aunts very regularly, only in pictures as we lived in a different country from most everyone.

Harriet Houdini

The story I have today is about how my 2 year old live birth climbed out of her carseat and got into the drivers seat with me a la Britney Spears while I was driving. Oh, and of course she was screaming her head off the whole time (I was picking her up from the baby sitter's house and she had skipped her nap) and didn't stop screaming until she was in my lap. At least by the time she made it there I was 1 block from our driveway. Oh my wild wee one...

Mary Lou Retton

Well, I watch in horror and amazement tonight as Wee One used the mattress to vault her leg up on the crib bars to climb out. She was throwing a tantrum in protest of going to bed. My dh was there and grabbed her thankfully before she could hurt herself. Yes, I have a spirited child. Anyway, she has calmed down and is lying in her crib. So, is it time to take the side down to make the toddler bed? What is going to happen then?!

Food "O" face

I have been enjoying food again as I recover. I mean, really enjoying food!!! To the point of "O" face. Last night I had dh bring home some shrimp scampi and pasta from Johnny Carinos our local chain Italian restaurant. The scampi, which I had never tried was SO GOOD. I told him, as I was sopping up the butter, wine, garlic, tomatoes, basil, and shrimp with a big hunk of bread, that he should go get this for me whenever I am hormonal/ PMS. Tonight, I was getting dinner ready and saw a cook on tv preparing mushrooms. I modified it a bit to my taste but the recipe, I had to share with you all. Scrumptious!!!

Sherry Mushroom Tapas

6-8 White mushrooms
2T Olive oil
1 pat Butter
1 clove Garlic crushed
Salt and pepper
1 T Sherry wine
Parsley
Lemon juice
Bread

Heat sautee pan on medium
Add olive oil, butter and garlic
Place mushrooms in pan, top down
When bottoms are brown, flip mushrooms over
Season with salt and pepper
Add sherry and parsley
When cooked, spritz with lemon juice
Serve with bread

Food book - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

I recently read the book, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver. It got me thinking even more about the food I eat and what I feed my family. Since Wee One started eating solid food, (even before, as I was paying attention to what I was eating while breastfeeding), I have been more conscious of what I buy and feed her. It has been a good influence on my diet as I eat her leftovers and she gets a lot of whole grains and fruits because that is what she likes (so that's why I have lost some weight...duh!). She, of course, like any other kid, will eat candy until we run out, but she really prefers fruits, juices, pasta, rice, tortillas, yogurt, peas, corn, cheese, eggs, and milk. Occasionally she'll eat some meat. Not a bad diet for me to follow either.

I have been even more attentive to high fructose corn syrup because I think after a capri sun one day she really crashed into a bad tamtrum (may have just been the 2 year old blues, but this one was really, really bad). Growing up we had liberal access to sodas, chips, etc., but my mom often let them go stale/ flat so that I really didn't care for them any more than any other food. She prepared most of our meals from scratch, chinese home cooking so we ate a lot of veggies, seafood, chicken, and rice. My cooking is an amalgam of chinese/ tex mex/ southern/ quick fix/ italian/ american convenience. I have chips and soda in my house, the soda more for my dh who stopped drinking 3 years ago. We do eat out, sometimes out of boredom/ fatigue at figuring out what to make that will please everyone. It is terrible sometimes what we will put into our bodies to quell the hunger/ keep the routine of a meal.

I do find a lot of pleasure in cooking, preparing meals for my dh and wee one. I have more interest in that than in home decor per se. One of the points of the book that has been sticking with me is the concept of locavore. Now, I live in the desert, not exactly a fertile place, but I do think about and try to buy things that don't have to be shipped from >1000 miles away. So locally, I have noticed tomatoes, melons, and dairy. I live in a big state, but my goal is to try to buy things from in state...like the blueberries I got the other day. It helps that the market I shop at is hq in my own state.

Happy 4th of July!

Right now I am watching a fireworks show from the window in my study. As there are no houses built in front of us nor many buildings (except for a church near us) for a few miles, I can see quite a ways. Pretty nifty to see a show from my house huh! My dh is watching the hot dog eating contest on ESPN2...just your usual July 4th activities for us average Americans with sleep children under 3. Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th!

Moving along

Not much exciting in these here parts. I still have another week of no work (which I actually don't mind too much) and no driving (my SIL says I am like Paris Hilton under house arrest) and have become the world's worst backseat driver (my poor mum). We have been busy planning wee one's birthday celebration (with many of our friends and family big and small). Shopping and gathering cool stuff such as a balloon pump (only 1.99 at a store I jokingly refer to as "Made in China") and napkins printed with flip flops. We are going to let the kids roam around the yard and feed them lots of pizza, ice cream, cake, and fruit (we have lots of healthy friends).

I have been worrying, with many of you, about how Frances is doing, so be sure to hop on over to her site to wish her well = click on link to "Not, Baby in a Corner."

Arrrghhh....sleep problems

Wee one has started being tantrumy about sleep and also a few other activities, but sleep is the one that concerns me. Crying, throwing stuff out of her crib...saying "NO" when asked to come take a nap, go to bed, take a bath (activity usually right before story time and bedtime). I am not sure why this is happening now exactly. Of course our household has been different since my parents have been living with us for the last 2 weeks since my surgery and I have not been able to do my usual mom things very much. They say we spoil her some and of course, they do too, being grandparents. But in about 1-2 weeks, things should be returning to normal soon. Maybe it will change then, but maybe not. It is the time of terrible twos.

Great news

The final pathology came back on my bum rib and it is definitely benign. HOORAY! What a relief to know it is not malignant, not the dreaded C word, Cancer. It is wonderful to know there is not going to be any more treatment needed...that the weird thing is out of me.

Still recuperating from the surgery. I have felt almost normal the last 2 days, occasional bad twinges of pain nonwithstanding. The only thing is that any kind of exertion or activity leaves me much more tired than usual.

Partly Cloudy

Well, my head is clearing and the world seems less wobbly and wiggly. The pain is mostly tolerable and I am @ the computer again. I had a mild-moderate panic attack because the pathology report came back on the fence, but my doc said not to worry so much now as the specimen is being sent off to Mayo Clinic for further evaluation. What I have is apparently really rare and needs to be really studied. So for now, I rest, recover, write thank you notes for cakes and flowers brought to me, and plan for a 2 year old's birthday party in a few weeks.

This experience has given me some further thoughts on infertility treatments. Going through infertility treatment is difficult because it is like going through medical treatment for a disease. Only difference is that childbearing is supposed to be this "natural process" that every human female is supposed to have the capability to do. The disease is the inability to do so. But the frustration is that inability to do so has so many reasons/ causes and there are so many myths surrounding it.

Anyhoo...my brain sure does weird stuff while on drugs.

back @ home

recovering. dizzy. sleeping a lot. big scar. tired. yuck.

Here I go

My colon is in a tizzy and Aunt Flo arrived yesterday, earlier than usual. My body is purging itself getting ready for my surgery tomorrow. Nerves are so powerful...

I will be expected at the hospital at 5 AM. Now, I am not exactly what you call a morning person, neither my dh. At least I get to rest tomorrow under sedation but he will not. At least the hospital has a Starbucks and I have a stash of gift cards for his benefit.

The only thing that seems to relax me is humorous thoughts about what if I told everyone that I actually had a boob job? Anyhoo...so long rib tumor tomorrow.

Out out damn cough

Cold (or coryza the word missed by the 2nd place finisher (Canadian) at the National Spelling Bee ....when the heck did Canada become part of our country?) symptoms are improving but now I in addition to the snot factory in my head the nagging cough has started. This is not so good as my surgeon did not want me to COUGH any before my surgery as to avoid traumatizing my already fragile tumor filled rib. Tonight after a day of several brands of cough drops, syrups, etc. finally popped something with codeine in it. I am writing this as I feel my body slowly sliding into unconscious oblivion. Must fight to stay coherent. T minus 7 days until the surgery. Maybe I should wear some backless shirts or do nude portraits before I gain a scar.

Sick day

Well, I have a head cold and wee one got up this am and threw up on me. She has been home today with Grandmother and I have been at work trying to heal the sick. I can't even heal myself...ha,ha,ha. No more barfing but I did check her temperature earlier...100. She is napping now and I am blowing my nose for the 100th time today.

There was an interesting story on Today show this morning about the "modern woman." It was about how the WW2 generation had to work because the men were all gone to war (1st wave), the next generation went to work in non traditional women's jobs (wave 2), and now the current generation is opening up business and working part time/ working from home (wave 3) in order to be both mom and working gal. I sure if we go back in the time machine even more, I suspect we are actually wave 3452. Anyway, I say, whatever works for you.

Crabby pants

No, that's not a description of my child, but me at this moment. I think I am just tired from this particular day. Nothing major just daily stuff. I can't even blame AF, as I just finished 2 days ago. Dh seems a bit of the same emotion tonight too. I think I am missing one of my co workers who left for good last week. This person was also a good friend and advice giver to me. I know it was better for them to move on in order to be happier. I think I am also apprehensive about the upcoming surgery. I have people asking me how I am doing and also I am getting things ready at work for when I will be gone. It will be weird having a scar on my back or side I think. No more string bikinis ha.ha.ha...not that I ever have worn one anyway.

And life resumes

I am living the next 3 weeks before the surgery as normally as I can. It is nice having life return to normal for a bit. I am getting things ready for when I can't be doing much and for my parents to come stay with me. New bed and mattress for the guest room and of course, new bedding (I love buying linens) and rearrangement of old bedding. Nesting, I think this is called..feathering the nest. I've had a lot of nice thoughts coming my way from friends, family, and church. I am usually quiet about my health, but this time I knew I needed some support and prayers. Not just for me but for my dh and wee one...some help for them as I am dealing with all this. And also in some ways, to let my friends know not to ignore symptoms that just won't go away.

I think I have been also coping by shopping. Maybe a little too much shopping but I am a bargain hunter so my cc is not maxed out yet!!!!

Get that sucker out!

I saw my surgeon (who reminds me of "Red Duke" the guy who used to do medical stories on TV in the Dallas area) and he wants to cut. I am relieved actually. I was worried it might be a well, we could take it out now or later or never, you have to decide situation. He says if it doesn't come out, it could break, have no chance of healing, and cause me the greatest pain with every breath I took. He is worried it is so fragile that he has banned me from any heavy lifting until the surgery is done and healed...yes folks that includes the wiggly 2 year old person in my house. I have about 3 weeks before the operation due to some scheduling issues so I had having others do the lifting. I have never had major surgery. He was vague about recovery time but made it sound like I would be fine within a week or 2. I am not so sure as it involves cutting, spreading muscles, taking part of the rib out, general anesthesia and intubation...yikes! Anyway, that's my plans for the month of June.

What happened?

Well, got all my tests today and was a pretty good patient considering I had to down 2 cylinders of barium vanilla smoothie. They gave me a big dose of benadryl so I was pretty chill when the actually did the test. They found a benign tumor in my rib that has probably been growing there a for more than 18 years (that's when I first had pain there). Very slow growing but now it is big and destroying the rib (thus the pain). The doctors were all amazed at my high pain tolerance as this is like having a chronically fractured rib. I'll go see the surgeon next week. I am very relieved that it is not cancer. I have never had major surgery so that part I have to find out about and make a decision.

Randomness

I finally got over the coughing, hacking part of my bronchitis but still am having some really bad pain on the left side of my chest. Now, I have a chronic pain because by a rib being out of whack but this has been really bad especially at night when I am sleeping. So I went to the doctor and became a patient once again (I like being the doctor, not the patient). The xray show one funny spot so I went to get a CAT scan. It was going pretty well until they injected some contrast material in me and I got this horrible about to barf feeling, sneezing, and a bad feeling in my throat. YIKES! They stopped it and sent me home with some allergy medication. The radiologist said the lungs looked good but would study the films more. I got a call from my doctor this morning and she said she wanted to see me in her office today. I went over and she wants to finish the scan, but this time with pre-medication for the allergic reaction I had. They are worried about a lesion on my rib. The scan will be in the morning at the hospital so they can watch me closely.

I am still kind of in denial about all this, after all the pain has been there for a long time, just worse since I have been coughing my head off. Part of me says not to worry until I know more and part of me is in deep introspection about life and possibly having a scary fatal condition. I mean, I am a young healthy mother of a 2 year old, a loving dh, a great job, and a new house. I have reached time in my life which is wonderful so I can't be sick. No way.