Happy where I am at

Dh and I dressed up today and went to a wedding. Not really close friends, but in the social/ professional circle of our family/community. I haven't been to a wedding in a while, but what I felt was not only happiness for the couple (in their late 20s) but also relief that this part of my life was over. I looked around at the younger women prancing around in their finery (short dresses in bright colors with high heels or short black dresses with colorful heels) and was glad I wasn't in that stage of my life...single, self conscious about my looks and wondering when my life would be starting/ settling down/ finding the "right" guy. I sipped my drink, in my long dress (polka dots on chiffon...actually recycled from a few years ago) and comfy-heeled, yet still this season's sandals), with dh by my side, knowing he was going to want to leave early too so we could pick up a few groceries on the way home before returning to the kiddos. Yup...in spite of returning to crying, teething baby and a super-tired cranky 3 year old and the house in shambles (fun times with the baby sitting relative)... this is where I want to be. Happy, content, and grateful....smiling at my 3 year old who was prancing around wearing one of my short colorful dresses (floor-length on her...I deemed too short for me to wear to a wedding).

Spawn of mine

Apparently Lou Lou and I are very similar in that we have to have a big tantrum and then everything after that is peachy keen. She and Honeydew (though a baby really can't help much what she does esp when she is sprouting her 1st tooth) drove me to the brink of insanity on Tuesday. I was being pissed off at dh too and ended up spanking (1 swat on Monday actually too) 1 swat on a small 3.5 year old's behind. I agonized over it and felt horrible. I put myself in timeout. The rest of the week I have been fine. Nothing has bothered me. Lou Lou also went nuts Tuesday and then has been quite a nice kid since then. Someone told me some planet is aligned with something else and we are all going to have trouble communicating this week. Indeed.

Love and an IUD

I have been blaming my mirena IUD lately for my moodiness, weight, etc. I am probably misplacing my blame but perhaps it is just the knowledge that that little piece of plastic eluting hormones in my body is keeping me from getting pregnant. I know that I will not be having more kids, but it still feels weird to be doing something to prevent pregnancy. When people ask me if I will be having more kids, my "NO" comes out so fast everyone comments on it. Maybe it isn't even the fertility thing. Some part of me thinks I need to be "natural" and not have devices/ hormones, etc. in my body. That's extra funny considering I was on birth control pills from age 16 to age 31.

Sex, an enjoyable activity, when we can find a rare moment of kid-free/ aloneness, is now, just for sex. Creating life is no longer part of the agenda. Maybe I am just a weirdo. Maybe I am just feeling amazing fortunate to be blessed with 2 healthy girls that I should just be grateful.

Mom, where are you taking me today?

My restless Loulou asks me this question each day. Lately I have been feeling guilty because 3 days a week (no school, not a weekend), she stays with the babysitter at home (mostly). So this morning we head out for the mother's day luncheon and she does pretty well until we see the decorative candy by the nametags. From that point it was mostly whining for the candy (which was being used for a door prize) and we left early. I was being nice and was going to stop at the convenience store for gas and candy. So, I drive along and 10 minutes later she's asleep. I did stop for gas and was thinking about getting candy when a loud car pulled up playing the latest most obscene gansta rap I've heard in a while. So, now it is time to go. Maybe that's we stay home mostly.

Barf o rama

Hit hard with a terrible case of food poisoning/ stomach virus yesterday and am recovering today. Blech...it was awful. I was so sick I didn't even want to watch TV (!). I actually had to miss a day of work (I cannot remember that last time I took a day off for illness, other than my mat. leave).

Babies are ok so far...and I hope to keep it that way. Honeydew still nursed and somehow in my dehydrated state there was still milk. Well, I'm going to go eat some saltines now.

Telemarketing

Got home and there was an answering machine message from Talbots the ladies clothing store. It was reminding me to shop the sale that was going on. WTF? Their reputation of being a snobby older ladies clothing store is apparently gone...that unless, now I am in the demographic of a snobby older lady. (I must admit I did shop there in the early part of the year armed with 2 gift cards from Christmas and birthday).

Ball of stress

I have been a stressed out mommy lately. Nothing major, but I am having a major flare of eczema of my left boob (had a biopsy there 2 weeks ago...just nipple dermatitis), bouts of irritability (my dh might call it something else!), aches and pains in my neck and head, and this week I had a bad cold/ sinusitis.

Now granted, the honey moon period of going back to work as ended, I am still getting up 1-2 times at night to feed/ awakening at 5-6 am and not really sleeping after that, have had dh out of town and parents here last week...just life stuff. The honeydew has slept thru the night a few times (last night being one of them...yay!).

I know what I need to do to reduce my stress...exercise...but I can't seem to find the right moment to do it yet. From the time I get up on the weekdays, it's like a running race with a few hurdles and few water breaks. Dh really helps out in the evenings, and I have gone walking in the neighborhood a few times. But the unpredictablity of Loulou a 3, almost 4 year old can kink the schedule. Often I am so tired, or just nursing the baby so I don't do anything. The weekends are kind of the same. Waking, cooking, cleaning, feeding, resting, and then back to the same. I even have help, so it's not as bad as it could be. I think I am just in an adjustment period. One of my best stress reducers actually is just hanging out with my dh and shooting the bull. We try, but often we are interrupted by small children crying or asking questions.

We were this morning given a few moments of just time to ourselves at church. Honeydew was asleep in the nursery with grandma and Loulou was sitting with her friends in front of us. Thanks God.

My own economic stimulus

Well, my computer had a blow-out and it just got back from the computer hospital. Thankfully, fixed and files restored. Lesson learned...back-up, back-up, back-up. Wrote the check and am kicking myself for spending so much in the past as I gaze at my dwindling account. Let's hope next month's paycheck is a little better than last's (I get paid according to how much I work/ collect). Then the sprinkler system had an leak, then another, then another, and because we are feeling green and hot, we are adding some trees to our yard. Cha-ching. At least that is helping the environment.

I wandered into the open house across the street the other day and saw the price of the house and realized we could not afford to buy in this neighborhood any more! So we are staying put and actually, I am enjoy my house as we live in it longer. We certainly could use another bedroom (we have 3), but we'll make do as everyone ends up in the same room anyway for baths and some bedtimes. We should have just build a 1 bedroom with a kitchen and 1 giant TV room house. I was watching a show on TV about community/ commune houses. Kind of a interesting option for singles/ retirees/ small families.

Lost my computer privileges

Loulou has reached the developmental milestone of clicking onto the internet and typing either "Peep," "Dora" or "Elmo" into google and spending time making my mouse and keyboard sticky. I have rarely been able to use my own computer in the past few weeks. I know I am not supposed to leave my children unsupervised in a room with internet, but I do so I can get some dishes washed or read People magazine in peace for few moments.

I was explaining to someone the other day that mothering 2 kids and returning to work now felt like running a marathon with a few sprints in between (work). At least I have my dh in the evenings to share in the fun.

Today I spent the afternoon doing one of the things I hate/ love to do in my life. Buy a car. Yuck. I have been putting it off but our nanny has a small truck and I can't have any kid of mine riding in the front seat. So I am going to have her use my car and I get the new one (whoo hoo!). So now I have spent all our money and committed more to the future. So for now, I continue to work and try to build up some savings again and bring dinner leftovers for lunch (not too bad actually...hot meal in the microwave!).

Le Bebe

Honeydew is snoring peacefully in her crib. Her poor boogery nose is either another cold or some allergies...neither would be surprising due to exposure to both big sis's and my recent colds and our strong family history (both sides) of allergies. She is really growing and gaining new skills. We took her out someplace besides church or grandma's house and she really was soaking it all up. It's a big wide world out there, kid. I have been folding up nice clothes that she has quickly, quickly outgrown.

She has made it to 2 Sundays of baby Bible school (known as cradle roll at our church) and is somwhow always hungry (wanting to nurse) during the service. Thankfully the church nursery actually has a quiet, private area in the back with rocking chair and crib nearby (my idea...great to set baby on while adjusting clothes back into place. There was an abundance of cribs in the main room...we 2009 moms don't really put our babies in cribs much. They are mainly used as changing areas).

She is in the cute cuddly baby phase. I am enjoying it so much (other that the nursing every hour from 3 am to 6 am that has happened the last 2 nights). Perhaps it is only because I know that this is it for me. My MIL who loves to hold babies is enamoured with this one who loves to be held.

Foodie

I was recommending a restaurant to my sister who is traveling next week to Kansas City and it made me think about all the great food experiences I have had in my travels. So what better place to record for posterity than in my blog?! I have traveled to many cities and can't even remember all the names of the restaurants, but here are some of the most memorable.

In no particular order:

1. Savoy Grill, Kansas City, MO

Get the broiled seafood casserole. This place is old school and there are REAL waiters.

2. Mona Lisa, San Francisco, CA

After getting lost in the city and being cold, tired and hungry, stumbling into Little Italy was like walking thru the gates of heaven. This restaurant provided my 1st food orgasm with its fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato appetizer.

3. Chinatown, Los Angeles, CA

I don't remember the name of the restaurant, but in 1984, I had my 1st soup dumpling and was completely fascinated.

4. Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, CA

On my honeymoon, we went to one of the hole in the walls and ate crab. I think it was called Nick's. At least we went to the place with booths instead of just eating off one of the stalls.

5. Brennan's, New Orleans, LA

I ate Thanksgiving here once at the Houston TX location, but the memorable meal was brunch. Eggs benedict and a flaming dessert (bananas foster)...dude!

6. Acme Oyster House, New Orleans, LA

Sit at the bar and eat the red beans and rice after you slurp a few raw oysters.

7. Private home, Staten Island, NY

I tagged along to a birthday party of a friend of a friend and his Armenian family cooked a great feast for us.

8. Kitok burger, Waco, TX

Korean women frying burgers laced with soy sauce...yum.

9. A&W, Napa, CA

After many, many fancy meals at fancy restaurants, I enjoyed a hot dog, crispy fries, and an icy cold mug of root beer. Packed at lunch.

10. Old House, Santa Fe, NM

Everything is good here. Expensive, but excellent.

11. Padilla's, Albuquerque, NM

I inhaled the sopapilla basket. It's not fancy, but the place has great service.

12. Hyatt DFW airport, Dallas, TX

As a child we went here for the brunch on special occasions (ice sculptures! omelet station!). I went back as an adult for a business trip and they still can cook. The fish dishes are wonderfully amazing.

13. Bouchon, Venezia Hotel (inside the Venetian), Las Vegas, NV

Hard to find, but I ate a sublime breakfast here. Hash and a caramel coffee drink. Apparently it's one of Thomas Keller's outposts. I went back last year, but it wasn't as delicious as I remembered, but the restaurant is beautiful.

14. Sushi, Seattle, WA

Can't remember the name of the restaurant, but it was across the street from the art museum (saw live nude painted people one day as I was waiting for the bus back to the hotel). Bento box #11 - I can't eat Japanese food anywhere else now that I have had their food.

Milk fountain

Broke down today and ordered a new pump kit for my Medela PIS machine. I haven't been pumping at work and my milk supply has kind of gone nuts. I thought I was supposed to make LESS once I went back to work. When I was on leave, I did not nurse the baby during my "work" hours and I was fine. Now I am just a spraying/ leaking milk machine...cripes. I am finding myself rushing home to unleash my rock hard boobs onto poor Honeydew who is probably already full from the bottles the nanny gives her. I am wondering even if I have time to pump...I'll have to make time.

Discontinued

Well, I look at Wee One and realize she isn't so "wee" any more and am giving her a new blog name. I hearby declare the name "Wee One" discontinued and christen her "Loulou."

The real reason for today's title is so I can rant about the discontinuation of just about any or all products/ menu items I tend to like. Currently I am using Glysomed hand cream (DISCONTINUED!!! ONLY AVAILABLE IN CANADA!!!) and recently discovered a new lotion, Dove Pro Age cream oil, that has been able to help my dry cracked heels (a problem for me since college days...I've tried everything) and it has been discontinued also. My dh was using a wonderful hair product, Dep men's hair pomade, and that was also discontinued. (I used to call it his "Dapper Dan" stuff after the fictional product that George Clooney used in Oh Brother Where Art Thou. Oh well, I supposed my mother is still lamenting the disappearance of Rose Milk lotion.

Treading water

Well, I have made it almost to the end of the week. The 1st day back at work was like jumping into the deep end of the pool. It was nice as everyone was saying how glad they were I was back. I am tired, but it is a good tired. As a child/ teen I wanted to be needed, to be useful to others. Boy howdy, I got my wish as a adult.

Dh is struggling with some eating problems and he is going to get an upper endoscopy next week to explore is esophagus and stomach. The doctor is suspicious for eosinophilic esophagitis, a condition that is caused by food allergies. He has lost some weight and I am worried. It is hard because I feel like I could be hurting him by serving him dinner and my way of showing love has been often through my cooking.

Getaway

Just returned from a quick trip to Albuquerque and enjoyed myself very much. Dh and I went to celebrate our 6th (!) anniversary. My favorite parts included lunch at Padilla's (I almost ate the whole basket of sopapillas) and a trip to the Tamaya spa where we enjoyed massage and other treatments...my dh the sci-fi guy said it felt like we were being prepared to be fed to space aliens. I have heard how the hot tub parts of some spas can be clothing optional...so it was a bit disconcerting at 1st, but I made sure no one was looking my way and slid into the hot tub like a fish. At least it was not co-ed and just ladies. Such fun!

Tomorrow I begin a new routine, part 3 of "Project Baby #2." I resume working outside the home and my "normal" life...whatever that is! I am anxious, of course, but know that this is what I going to do right now until I figure out the next part. As the writer, Anne Lamott writes, I am proceeding until my next "operating instructions."

I Hate February

I have always dreaded February because I or one of my family members is always sick. Add to that my work in a medical clinic, and there you have a full blown month of misery. This year, unfortunately, Honeydew got it...this weekend has been one of diarrhea, snuffy nose, fever, coughing, and spitting up. Last night was bad and today she has been improving. At one point I had spit up dripping onto my foot and pooling in my crotch area. I have not worried about her much since she was born until now. Hopefully she will sleep well tonight and heal up fast. For now, she is fever free, dozing off, and in clean clothes (6th change of clothing in the last 24 hours).

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope everyone got some love today...I'm going to send out some love for everyone today...smack!

Dh and I got super romantic and gave each other chocolate (for him) and flowers (for her) and drove 20 miles to eat some cajun fast food fried chicken (we had the restaurant all to ourselves by 6:30) and browse at the bookstore for our date. It was great!

Honeydew

Art imitating life

Noticed today's art of the day (scroll down) is Picasso's depiction of a lady nursing her baby. Just looking at it makes the let down reflex occur in me...

Oooommmm

Battling stomach bug that I caught earlier this week...much better, but I am still very tired. Icky stuff. It's really bad when it feels like your peeing from the wrong place (I know...TMI). It seems as I get older illnesses that were minor in the past are more severe and more difficult to bear. I was gathering a few supplies at the grocery store today and my feet actually felt achy.

The Wee One and Honeydew are hanging in there...just some mild colds and boogers coming out of noses. So I hope to recover fully after this weekend, in between the demands of a 3.5 year old girl and the 3 am feedings required by the infant stomach of Honeydew.

Actually the demands of Wee One have been so great lately, I noted I haven't posted or managed to string words to post here in a while. The nanny has her out for the past hour for a trip to the local mall (handily down the street). So the peace in the house has a meditative quality for me...zzz's for Honeydew and me a bit earlier.

On another subject, as we are fortunate to live in a very nice house in a place where the economy hasn't crash yet, I was perusing the realty ads today. There are definately more houses on the market now that there were just a few weeks ago. With the price of oil dropping, I can see that it is finally beginning to affect this community. I have occasionally daydreamed about getting a different house with a space for seperate guest room, a bedroom for Honeydew, and a playroom (they are all one now), but it would be really insane to do this now. We'd probably get a good deal, but our house could be on the market for much longer than we could afford. We could always put a trailer out back for the kids...ha,ha,ha.