Having some ups and downs lately...emotionally more down. I see signs of depression and this of course makes me worry more. But why? Why not, as I think about it. No major problems, but little annoying things that are adding up. While I am elated that I will be having #2, my life has been really different lately.
1. Physical discomforts - as described in recent posts.
2. Emotional instability due to hormonal fluctuations
3. Tall 2 1/2 year old who has taken to sleeping with me every night.
4. Sleeping earlier/ more than usual
5. Fears and worries about what can/ can't happen
6. A feeling of being stuck for the next year or 2 and having no life.
7. Restriction on travel (partly self imposed, partly due to lack of energy).
8. Lack of marital conooduling due to 2 1/2 year old in bed (quickies just aren't the same as nightly talking and cuddling).
9. Possible work issues that may be beyond my control.
10. My thyroid may be out of whack.
Each part of my life is fulfilling and great, but together it is all wearing me out. There is a bit of hope as my ILs have agreed to give us babysitting and hotel points to a brief weekend getaway. I know a change of scenery will help. This actually all may have started even before #2 due to a very hectic winter at work and my own melancholy sometimes for a more jet set life.
I find myself being envious of other's lives that don't involve care of small children. What a thing to be thinking huh for someone who has had infertility struggles you say. I want to snap out of it but I need to deal with these feelings. One way is to blog about it, talk to my dh and friends about it, and get some help.
4 comments:
Hey friend. You don't have to feel great or appreciative or *anything* about this pregnancy. I'm so sorry you're feeling low.
Yes, you do know the sting of infertility firsthand, but that in no way means that you can't complain about how you're feeling. Life is a crazy ride, even more crazy when you're pregnant and hormonal. It's a lot to deal with, as you well know, and it sounds like you have a good support system in place to help you through.
And I fully understand your urge for a more 'jet set' lifestyle sometimes--after all, I spent 36 years of my life being selfish--it's only right that I'd miss my me time, the ability to pick up and go on a moment's notice. Sigh.
Hugs.
For what it's worth, despite all the drama in getting here, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't ask myself WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Hoping you feel better soon.
Often I feel like I have to enjoy my kids every second of every day. I know this is unrealistic, but after IVF, I almost feel like I should. But the reality is that having kids is a challenge and you'll have good and bad days. Best wishes for happier days soon.
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