girls, girls, girls

My, these girls have grown!

Away we go

Off to the airport shortly for a brief vacay in Sin City. Not really my favorite place but it is easy to get to and tonight I will be living a teenage dream of seeing Simon LeBon in person and the rest of the duran duran gang. I haven't located my little button collection from the 80s (I even had a DD folder for my English homework in the 7th grade.) Dh will have the pleasure of seeing Kris Angel perform on Saturday. I am excited! Kids will be at home with family and nanny alternating care...will miss them, but we really need to get away for a bit, even just 48 hours will be good.

Danger danger, tired mom

Still hacking up bits of cloudy phlegm and hoping July will be a healthier month for me. I made it through hosting 2 birthday parties and houseguests and finally my body call it quits on Sunday. I holed up at a friend's QUIET guestroom on Monday to rest, recover and answer text messages from work. OBTW, Julie/ Julia is a great book...

So in my delirious, fever/ chills state, I finally realized...hey, I can't do this any more. I have been having several fleeting and obvious thought intrusions about this. My life is not working very well, I am not sleeping very much (still 2-3 feedings between 10pm and 7am), and I am starting to not like taking care of/ being around my kids/ dh/ cats/ job/ friends/ etc. I even thought about going to therapy, but I didn't have time in my schedule.

So I sucked it up and called my boss and asked for some schedule changes for work. He said he wasn't surprised and told me to just do what I need to do right now. I am also learning how to delegate more at home (thanks Mom for the advice, sorry I was so defensive and snarky when you mentioned it to me). I actually let the babysitter go to pick up Lou Lou while I drifted off to sleep for a bit of a nap with HD.

So, now I have scheduled in some me time, some exercise time, some more time to get what I need to do in my life. I supposed it's hard because of that fact I spent from age 6 to age 35 devoted obsessively to school/ work and a lot of my self worth seems to be wrapped up in that. I really need to get over myself and grow up.

Come Undone

HD blasted into a case of roseola this past weekend, her poor little body burning with fever. My cold morphed into a heinous sinus infection and all were miserable for about 48 hours. Then miraculously, in the middle of one of the funniest/ most true movies, "Mean Girls", we all felt better. It's so yucky when kids are sick and when mom is too. Everything seems so much harder, so hopeless and helpless. More so for me because I am a healthcare professional, licensed to practice medicine!

I was a in bit of a depression yesterday while hacking up phlegm and peeing in my pants at the same time...what have I gotten myself into? What was I thinking, trying to be a grown up and having kids, a demanding job, etc. Then today , feeling better and having read a little bit of a book about the saga of the crazy good band, Guns and Roses, I decided to get over it and resume my life...yes...I have to delagate and let people help me more (I feel like I already have, and don't want to take advantage of anyone.) I got some helpful advice to take a nap everyday...that sounds like the advice I try to give to Lou Lou. That would be great except, I don't like napping in the day because it makes me groggy for the rest of it and I can't sleep at night when I do that.

I think I would just like a little time each day to recharge (1 hour) where NO ONE needs anything from me. That is really what I need to find the time for. This week as I recover from my illness, has been great because grandparents have taken LL to vacation bible school each night and the HD has slept by 7:45....quiet time for mommy and daddy!

My list

Inspired by the Work It blog's to do list by Maria. Here's mine

Wake up coughing junk...still getting over cold
HD crying...roll to side, lift shirt and wait for the nipple clamp...hoping for no teeth
Doze off and wake to dh's alarm clock
Loulou jumps into bed, drinking a sippy cup of milk from unknown time
Get up
Change baby and put her in bathroom with me while I get ready
Wander to kitchen and make a cup of tea
Get dressed and put concealer on dark circles under eyes

Ask Loulou if she wants anything besides popcorn (popped by dh before he left for work) for breakfast
Put baby in exersaucer in kitchen
Make lunches
Eat breakfast
Talk to nanny about HD as she arrives

Find clothes for LL and get just a top on her...no pants
Check email
Finish dressing LL
Cough and pee into my underwear
Change underwear
Leave house with LL and lunches, backpacks, purse, etc.
Drive her to school and drop her off
Arrive at work and meet new student shadowing me

See patients
Call colleague at hospital
Nuke and Eat lunch
Call colleague at the other clinic
See more patients

Go pick up LL at school
stop at grocery store
Buy many extraneous items not on list including pink pool noodle and a bag of brach's candy (LL discovered it...I didn't know those candy things still existed!)
Head home
Unpack groceries
Talk to nanny as she is leaving
Eat snack and open snack items for LL
Watch her eat in succession...2 candies, 1 push up, 1 yogurt, 1/2 glass milk
Talk to mom
Go wipe LL's bottom and comment on her GREEN colored poo (yesterday's blue popsicle?)
Prep for dinner
Help LL with swimsuit and fill kiddie pool outside
Get HD and nurse her as DH comes home and send him outside to the kiddie pool
Fix dinner
Eat
Clean up
Play roll around with HD
Sort toys and clean up playroom a bit
Watch 1 episode of House Hunters
Change HD, nurse her, and put her to bed
Take big giant bath with LL
Read comics to LL and color a bit
Make cup of tea
Log onto blog
Blogging

WHEW!

Escape pod

Rare moment of quiet in the house...HD is napping and Loulou is in her room coloring (I think), and DH is watching TV. We've been all getting on each other's nerves all day. Oh, well, sometimes it's like that. Good thing we have a roomy house. Dh and I are about to take off with some friends (no kids) to a minor league baseball game. I am planning on eating some high calorie baseball park snack. I am not sure which one yet. Auntie is coming to babysit...oh yeah!

Skimmed thru my Pe*ple magazine last night to catch up on the latest on the J*n and Kat* saga. I don't watch the show (watched it once and it stressed me out), but it sounds like fame and fortune and too many kids got to them. Sad...hope they pull through. I was telling my pal at work the other day, I don't watch TV much but I prefer to watch show that have no relation to my life...such as Make me a Sup*ermod*l. Yay Brandon won!

I LUV my DH

I took a night off last night from my family. I crept out to the (air-conditioned) exercise room off our garage and slept there, blissfully, for 6 hours and 30 minutes in a row with only a brief 3-4 minute awakening to realize I was alone in very quiet room. I have not slept continuously that long for the last 3 months (had one night out of town in Feb). Dh kindly did the night time duties for both girls with nary a complaint or loss of spring in his step. I love this man.

Happy where I am at

Dh and I dressed up today and went to a wedding. Not really close friends, but in the social/ professional circle of our family/community. I haven't been to a wedding in a while, but what I felt was not only happiness for the couple (in their late 20s) but also relief that this part of my life was over. I looked around at the younger women prancing around in their finery (short dresses in bright colors with high heels or short black dresses with colorful heels) and was glad I wasn't in that stage of my life...single, self conscious about my looks and wondering when my life would be starting/ settling down/ finding the "right" guy. I sipped my drink, in my long dress (polka dots on chiffon...actually recycled from a few years ago) and comfy-heeled, yet still this season's sandals), with dh by my side, knowing he was going to want to leave early too so we could pick up a few groceries on the way home before returning to the kiddos. Yup...in spite of returning to crying, teething baby and a super-tired cranky 3 year old and the house in shambles (fun times with the baby sitting relative)... this is where I want to be. Happy, content, and grateful....smiling at my 3 year old who was prancing around wearing one of my short colorful dresses (floor-length on her...I deemed too short for me to wear to a wedding).

Spawn of mine

Apparently Lou Lou and I are very similar in that we have to have a big tantrum and then everything after that is peachy keen. She and Honeydew (though a baby really can't help much what she does esp when she is sprouting her 1st tooth) drove me to the brink of insanity on Tuesday. I was being pissed off at dh too and ended up spanking (1 swat on Monday actually too) 1 swat on a small 3.5 year old's behind. I agonized over it and felt horrible. I put myself in timeout. The rest of the week I have been fine. Nothing has bothered me. Lou Lou also went nuts Tuesday and then has been quite a nice kid since then. Someone told me some planet is aligned with something else and we are all going to have trouble communicating this week. Indeed.

Love and an IUD

I have been blaming my mirena IUD lately for my moodiness, weight, etc. I am probably misplacing my blame but perhaps it is just the knowledge that that little piece of plastic eluting hormones in my body is keeping me from getting pregnant. I know that I will not be having more kids, but it still feels weird to be doing something to prevent pregnancy. When people ask me if I will be having more kids, my "NO" comes out so fast everyone comments on it. Maybe it isn't even the fertility thing. Some part of me thinks I need to be "natural" and not have devices/ hormones, etc. in my body. That's extra funny considering I was on birth control pills from age 16 to age 31.

Sex, an enjoyable activity, when we can find a rare moment of kid-free/ aloneness, is now, just for sex. Creating life is no longer part of the agenda. Maybe I am just a weirdo. Maybe I am just feeling amazing fortunate to be blessed with 2 healthy girls that I should just be grateful.

Mom, where are you taking me today?

My restless Loulou asks me this question each day. Lately I have been feeling guilty because 3 days a week (no school, not a weekend), she stays with the babysitter at home (mostly). So this morning we head out for the mother's day luncheon and she does pretty well until we see the decorative candy by the nametags. From that point it was mostly whining for the candy (which was being used for a door prize) and we left early. I was being nice and was going to stop at the convenience store for gas and candy. So, I drive along and 10 minutes later she's asleep. I did stop for gas and was thinking about getting candy when a loud car pulled up playing the latest most obscene gansta rap I've heard in a while. So, now it is time to go. Maybe that's we stay home mostly.

Barf o rama

Hit hard with a terrible case of food poisoning/ stomach virus yesterday and am recovering today. Blech...it was awful. I was so sick I didn't even want to watch TV (!). I actually had to miss a day of work (I cannot remember that last time I took a day off for illness, other than my mat. leave).

Babies are ok so far...and I hope to keep it that way. Honeydew still nursed and somehow in my dehydrated state there was still milk. Well, I'm going to go eat some saltines now.

Telemarketing

Got home and there was an answering machine message from Talbots the ladies clothing store. It was reminding me to shop the sale that was going on. WTF? Their reputation of being a snobby older ladies clothing store is apparently gone...that unless, now I am in the demographic of a snobby older lady. (I must admit I did shop there in the early part of the year armed with 2 gift cards from Christmas and birthday).

Ball of stress

I have been a stressed out mommy lately. Nothing major, but I am having a major flare of eczema of my left boob (had a biopsy there 2 weeks ago...just nipple dermatitis), bouts of irritability (my dh might call it something else!), aches and pains in my neck and head, and this week I had a bad cold/ sinusitis.

Now granted, the honey moon period of going back to work as ended, I am still getting up 1-2 times at night to feed/ awakening at 5-6 am and not really sleeping after that, have had dh out of town and parents here last week...just life stuff. The honeydew has slept thru the night a few times (last night being one of them...yay!).

I know what I need to do to reduce my stress...exercise...but I can't seem to find the right moment to do it yet. From the time I get up on the weekdays, it's like a running race with a few hurdles and few water breaks. Dh really helps out in the evenings, and I have gone walking in the neighborhood a few times. But the unpredictablity of Loulou a 3, almost 4 year old can kink the schedule. Often I am so tired, or just nursing the baby so I don't do anything. The weekends are kind of the same. Waking, cooking, cleaning, feeding, resting, and then back to the same. I even have help, so it's not as bad as it could be. I think I am just in an adjustment period. One of my best stress reducers actually is just hanging out with my dh and shooting the bull. We try, but often we are interrupted by small children crying or asking questions.

We were this morning given a few moments of just time to ourselves at church. Honeydew was asleep in the nursery with grandma and Loulou was sitting with her friends in front of us. Thanks God.

My own economic stimulus

Well, my computer had a blow-out and it just got back from the computer hospital. Thankfully, fixed and files restored. Lesson learned...back-up, back-up, back-up. Wrote the check and am kicking myself for spending so much in the past as I gaze at my dwindling account. Let's hope next month's paycheck is a little better than last's (I get paid according to how much I work/ collect). Then the sprinkler system had an leak, then another, then another, and because we are feeling green and hot, we are adding some trees to our yard. Cha-ching. At least that is helping the environment.

I wandered into the open house across the street the other day and saw the price of the house and realized we could not afford to buy in this neighborhood any more! So we are staying put and actually, I am enjoy my house as we live in it longer. We certainly could use another bedroom (we have 3), but we'll make do as everyone ends up in the same room anyway for baths and some bedtimes. We should have just build a 1 bedroom with a kitchen and 1 giant TV room house. I was watching a show on TV about community/ commune houses. Kind of a interesting option for singles/ retirees/ small families.

Lost my computer privileges

Loulou has reached the developmental milestone of clicking onto the internet and typing either "Peep," "Dora" or "Elmo" into google and spending time making my mouse and keyboard sticky. I have rarely been able to use my own computer in the past few weeks. I know I am not supposed to leave my children unsupervised in a room with internet, but I do so I can get some dishes washed or read People magazine in peace for few moments.

I was explaining to someone the other day that mothering 2 kids and returning to work now felt like running a marathon with a few sprints in between (work). At least I have my dh in the evenings to share in the fun.

Today I spent the afternoon doing one of the things I hate/ love to do in my life. Buy a car. Yuck. I have been putting it off but our nanny has a small truck and I can't have any kid of mine riding in the front seat. So I am going to have her use my car and I get the new one (whoo hoo!). So now I have spent all our money and committed more to the future. So for now, I continue to work and try to build up some savings again and bring dinner leftovers for lunch (not too bad actually...hot meal in the microwave!).

Le Bebe

Honeydew is snoring peacefully in her crib. Her poor boogery nose is either another cold or some allergies...neither would be surprising due to exposure to both big sis's and my recent colds and our strong family history (both sides) of allergies. She is really growing and gaining new skills. We took her out someplace besides church or grandma's house and she really was soaking it all up. It's a big wide world out there, kid. I have been folding up nice clothes that she has quickly, quickly outgrown.

She has made it to 2 Sundays of baby Bible school (known as cradle roll at our church) and is somwhow always hungry (wanting to nurse) during the service. Thankfully the church nursery actually has a quiet, private area in the back with rocking chair and crib nearby (my idea...great to set baby on while adjusting clothes back into place. There was an abundance of cribs in the main room...we 2009 moms don't really put our babies in cribs much. They are mainly used as changing areas).

She is in the cute cuddly baby phase. I am enjoying it so much (other that the nursing every hour from 3 am to 6 am that has happened the last 2 nights). Perhaps it is only because I know that this is it for me. My MIL who loves to hold babies is enamoured with this one who loves to be held.

Foodie

I was recommending a restaurant to my sister who is traveling next week to Kansas City and it made me think about all the great food experiences I have had in my travels. So what better place to record for posterity than in my blog?! I have traveled to many cities and can't even remember all the names of the restaurants, but here are some of the most memorable.

In no particular order:

1. Savoy Grill, Kansas City, MO

Get the broiled seafood casserole. This place is old school and there are REAL waiters.

2. Mona Lisa, San Francisco, CA

After getting lost in the city and being cold, tired and hungry, stumbling into Little Italy was like walking thru the gates of heaven. This restaurant provided my 1st food orgasm with its fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato appetizer.

3. Chinatown, Los Angeles, CA

I don't remember the name of the restaurant, but in 1984, I had my 1st soup dumpling and was completely fascinated.

4. Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, CA

On my honeymoon, we went to one of the hole in the walls and ate crab. I think it was called Nick's. At least we went to the place with booths instead of just eating off one of the stalls.

5. Brennan's, New Orleans, LA

I ate Thanksgiving here once at the Houston TX location, but the memorable meal was brunch. Eggs benedict and a flaming dessert (bananas foster)...dude!

6. Acme Oyster House, New Orleans, LA

Sit at the bar and eat the red beans and rice after you slurp a few raw oysters.

7. Private home, Staten Island, NY

I tagged along to a birthday party of a friend of a friend and his Armenian family cooked a great feast for us.

8. Kitok burger, Waco, TX

Korean women frying burgers laced with soy sauce...yum.

9. A&W, Napa, CA

After many, many fancy meals at fancy restaurants, I enjoyed a hot dog, crispy fries, and an icy cold mug of root beer. Packed at lunch.

10. Old House, Santa Fe, NM

Everything is good here. Expensive, but excellent.

11. Padilla's, Albuquerque, NM

I inhaled the sopapilla basket. It's not fancy, but the place has great service.

12. Hyatt DFW airport, Dallas, TX

As a child we went here for the brunch on special occasions (ice sculptures! omelet station!). I went back as an adult for a business trip and they still can cook. The fish dishes are wonderfully amazing.

13. Bouchon, Venezia Hotel (inside the Venetian), Las Vegas, NV

Hard to find, but I ate a sublime breakfast here. Hash and a caramel coffee drink. Apparently it's one of Thomas Keller's outposts. I went back last year, but it wasn't as delicious as I remembered, but the restaurant is beautiful.

14. Sushi, Seattle, WA

Can't remember the name of the restaurant, but it was across the street from the art museum (saw live nude painted people one day as I was waiting for the bus back to the hotel). Bento box #11 - I can't eat Japanese food anywhere else now that I have had their food.

Milk fountain

Broke down today and ordered a new pump kit for my Medela PIS machine. I haven't been pumping at work and my milk supply has kind of gone nuts. I thought I was supposed to make LESS once I went back to work. When I was on leave, I did not nurse the baby during my "work" hours and I was fine. Now I am just a spraying/ leaking milk machine...cripes. I am finding myself rushing home to unleash my rock hard boobs onto poor Honeydew who is probably already full from the bottles the nanny gives her. I am wondering even if I have time to pump...I'll have to make time.

Discontinued

Well, I look at Wee One and realize she isn't so "wee" any more and am giving her a new blog name. I hearby declare the name "Wee One" discontinued and christen her "Loulou."

The real reason for today's title is so I can rant about the discontinuation of just about any or all products/ menu items I tend to like. Currently I am using Glysomed hand cream (DISCONTINUED!!! ONLY AVAILABLE IN CANADA!!!) and recently discovered a new lotion, Dove Pro Age cream oil, that has been able to help my dry cracked heels (a problem for me since college days...I've tried everything) and it has been discontinued also. My dh was using a wonderful hair product, Dep men's hair pomade, and that was also discontinued. (I used to call it his "Dapper Dan" stuff after the fictional product that George Clooney used in Oh Brother Where Art Thou. Oh well, I supposed my mother is still lamenting the disappearance of Rose Milk lotion.