End of the day and mommy is kind of crabby. I was doing very well until Lou lou patted the cat and scared him up from my lap, claws digging into my thighs. Lately I've been pretty moody from being tired and feeling put upon. It is my own fault most of the time. I just wear myself out and then lose it. It doesn't help that dh is more laid back and likes to have fun with his hobbies (hey -that's cool, but I'd like to have some fun too) while I am tending to the kids. He does help out a lot so I really can't complain too much (esp right now as he is begging one small child to go to bed).
Everything is a challenge sometimes and I really need to learn to prioritize and let go of some of the things. For example when I have things that need to be done, I try to do it all in one day or a certain period of time. When actually some of those things could wait 24, 48, or even more hours. It doesn't have to be RIGHT NOW!!!
Another thing I could improve upon is not second guess or guilting myself. Tonight I didn't really feel like cooking dinner. I was tired, didn't have much in the kitchen, and just wasn't too motivated because last 2 night's meals haven't been that delicious to me. BUT (the big BUT), I have been trying to eat and feed my family more home cooked meals because it is healthier (dh has a sensitive stomach ---colonscopy and upper endoscopy last year and he is only 37), and it is cheaper, and I had time to do it. So I cooked. The good thing was that the meal was delicious and my family and I enjoyed it. However, it did take some of my energy away that I could have probably used later. I often ask DH for help, but I wish I didn't have to ask so much sometimes. He offers sometimes, but I feel like I need it offered more. Oh, the conundrums of marriage. I know I need to communicate this to him, but how to do it without being a B-tch or sounding patronizing?
So, I get to the end of my rope and keep hoping it will be better. At the beginning of the year I was more laid back and kept telling myself and others that no situation is permanent. I know that when the kids are older some of the work may get better, but I know mentally it may get harder. Dh and I are older parents (late, late 30s) and our bodies and energy may not get much better either. Oh well...I am getting out of town later in the week so a change of scenery may help (no kids, just dh and I!)
